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What a night to be a couch potato.
The evening's entertainment offerings featured a little bit of everything: off-color humor (The Office), do-or-die playoff action (NBA & NHL), an epic baseball game (Red Sox/Mariners), and, if I'm not mistaken, the world's first scratch & sniff sitcom (My Name is Earl).
Hard to top that for flat-out fun without making it rain, but I'm going to try and do my best to recap it for those of you who were, like, doing something productive last night other than sitting in front of the set.
Mariners at Red Sox 7PM
The second match up of Japanese baseball gods Daisuke Matsuzaka (Boston) and Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners) got off to a rocking start when Seattle plated 5 runs in the first inning off Dice-K, but Boston answered right back with a 5-spot of its own in the 2nd to tie the score- so it's gonna be one of those games...
...Earl 8:00-8:36 NBC HD
This "groundbreaking" super-sized edition of the karma-centric comedy seemed like a little bit too much of a gimmick for me, so I abstained from partaking in the inter-active episode.
Okay, I forgot to pick up the stupid card that had all the corresponding odors on it.
Either way this show is starting to reek of repetition in its second season- I mean how many times can Earl cross something off a sheet of paper and it still be funny?- but it still delivers occasional raunchy, racist, non-PC chucklers, like when Earl is about to chainsaw a horse carcass or when Joy (big-as-a-house preggo Jaime Pressley) tells Catalina "...I've been called a bitch in every language, beyotch. That's black."
Still, I was pissed that I didn't have the scratch card, so every time a number popped up on screen and I couldn't get the full aroma of the scene it just made me want to change the channel.
Which I did, over to the Red Sox game, just in time to see Manny Ramirez blast a 2-run homer into the Monster seats to give the Sox a 7-5 lead after 4 innings. Surely Matsuzaka would hold that lead, I said to myself, so I flipped back to NBC to catch a super-sized (isn't that concept played out by now, Peacock net?) version of...
The Office 8:36-9:18 NBC HD
In what had to be one of the funniest episodes ever of the dry-but-deadly comedy, Phyllis is the victim of a flasher and it's up to Dwight, Michael and the rest of the men of Dunder Mifflin to make sure the ladies feel safe.
Well, that is after Michael sticks his finger through his zipper and reenacts the horrible event to a stunned crowd of employees. This was just the first of many below-the-belt, penis-related jokes in the show, and although many were childish and sophomoric, some of them were side-splittingly funny.
Like when Michael decides the best way to find out who the culprit is by checking everyone's junk. "Let's see your penis," he blurts out, then qualifies it with "as that was coming out of my mouth I knew it was wrong."
Later Dwight mentions that he's got "penises on the brain", and when Michael decides to hold an impromptu Women's Appreciation meeting, he let's loose with this philosophical gem:
"A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman, but in the wrong context, it's like a monster movie."
Even for Michael that sentence is not only apropos but oddly poetic.
Those comments plus gags about cross-dressing, homosexuality and female domination (Michael's GF/boss Jan says she'll pay him $300 to come over and service her) made for one raunchy episode, and it was the perfect antidote to the high-intensity contests that were taking place elsewhere on the dial.
After the show ended I watched the conclusion of the Sox game. Matsuzaka allowed the M's to tie the score again at 7, but then Manny Ramirez did what Manny is known for- other than faking injuries, hawking other people's grills and not granting interviews- he hit a titanic homerun over the bullpen in the 8th inning to give the Sox to a sloppy-yet-entertaining 8-7 victory.
Mavs @ Warriors 10:30, TNT HD
That game ended at precisely the right time, so I was able to catch the most intriguing playoff game of the evening, the Dallas Mavericks at the Golden State Warriors. Sure there was other playoff action on the dial, and I did catch some of Utah's win over the Houston Rockets, which forced a Game 7 between the two tomorrow night.
But in all the excitement and channel-changing I missed the thrilling conclusion of the Vancouver Canucks/Anaheim Ducks series, which Anaheim won on a fluke flip of a goal past goalie Roberto Luongo, who made 61 saves in the game, in the 2nd OT to take the series, 4-1.
Oh well, another spirited Mavs/Warriors tilt should make up for it. These two teams truly don't like each other, especially after former Dallas coach Don Nelson had the Warriors on the verge of knocking out the league's best regular-season team, and the series had more subplots than a Roger Altman film:
Nellie is suing bumbling billionaire Mavs owner Mark Cuban for $6 mil in back pay; Cuban is lobbing bombs at Nellie's questionable coaching style; probable MVP & former Nellie draft pick Dirk Nowitzki is playing like a 7-ft cream puff; and if Baron Davis & the Warriors don't win this series after blowing a late 9-pt lead in game in game 5, Steven Jackson might just go postal on the unsuspecting Bay Area.
Unfortunately the game didn't like up to the previous barn-burners in the series. After playing each other even for most of the first half, Golden State used a 36-15 third quarter scoring binge to pull away from the discombobulated Mavs, and by the time crunch time rolled around, Davis, Jackson and the rowdy Warriors fans at Oracle Arena were already celebrating the team's first playoff series win since 1991 and the Mavs were looking to jump on their latest chartered flight to nowhere.
Speaking of those Warriors fans, it was quite amusing to watch the camera scan the arena and focus on the low-wattage star power the team has dangling from the back of the bandwagon now that the team is decent again:
...none other than clueless Kate Hudson, her brainless boytoy Owen Wilson and has-been hemphead Woody Harrelson
Throw in fellow courtside club members sometime Laker fan Snoop Dogg and hard-hitting Hall of Fame safety Ronnie Lott, plus strip club king Jackson and all I can say is boy would I have liked to have been at that after party!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Thursday Night TV Feast
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
HBO Sunday Night: Entourage
Episode 38: "Gotcha"
The only reason to show this pic is because Ari's pecs and Mrs. Ari's chest were probably the best things about this ep- well, other than Leslie Bibb in a bikini. There's a good reason why it took me so long to review this week's episode of our favorite frat boy comedy, and it had nothing to do with me being to busy to find the time to do the post. No the reason is much more simple than that:
This week's episode sucked.
There, I said it. Now I'm not going to jump off the bandwagon, like some columnists have already started to do, with the series only in its junior season, but with the shelf life of hit TV shows getting shorter than Verne Troyer's thumbs, the series is starting to get a little...stale.
This week we were treated to one of those absolutely meaningless "fluff" episodes, where nothing really happens except the boys putter about town getting into some form of high school hi jinks and Vince & E. haggle over Vinny's latest love interest. Been there, done that so many times it's already retro, ya know what I'm saying?
The hi jinks part of the ep takes place when Drama's old nemesis Pauly Shore (ooh, what a cameo, how'd they get him with his busy schedule?) shows up wanting to get Drama on the premiere of his new "Punk'd"-style show called "Gotcha"; get it-'gotcha', it's like a play on punk'd and...(see what I'm talking about?)
Anyway, Drama thinks he's being set up when he and Turtle get into a confrontation over a parking spot with UFC champion Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell, so he goes and shoots his mouth off to the bruising brawler. "Why don't you get back in your hooptie and move along...you WWF-wannabe" was one of the better blasts Drama got off on Liddell as he waited for Pauly to jump out of the background and "got" him. Alas Liddell threatens Drama and leaves, then a bunch of girl scouts show up and appear to pull the prank, but anyone with half a brain cell could see that the Liddell thing was the actual gag. Yawn.
The love story angle comes into play after Vince and Amanda have consummated their client/ agent sex pact, and the repercussions are being felt in the group. Well, mainly with E., because now he is stuck smack dab in the middle of yet another Vince schoolboy crush, and he is not too happy about it. Vince and Amanda start acting like a couple of google-eyed kids, which is totally against type for Amanda's character, and when the three meet for lunch E. immediately knows that the two have slept together.
"I can't believe you fucked her...that was like a bad Meg Ryan movie back there," E. says incredulously to an oblivious Vince, who just promises that everything is fine and nothing will change just because he's having a thing with his agent. "Just don't say anything to Amanda, that could really fuck things up," Vince instructs him. Oh like they're not already was not only E.'s response, but ours as well.
The other meaningless thread this week had Ari & the Misses hosting Ari's old college buddy for the weekend. The friend, Scott (Artie Lange- were the casting agents scraping the bottom of the barrel this week or what?) used to be a poor, obnoxious schlub but thanks to a windfall he scored from selling his website, Stamps.com, Scott is now a $65 million dollar man with a hot fiancee (Leslie Bibb, best remembered as Ricky Bobby's 'smokin' hot wife' in Talledega Nights), matching Bentley's, and a certain swagger that makes Ari sick.
Ari gets even more disgusted with his friend when he continually compliments Mrs. Ari, who used to think Scott was vulgar but now finds his comments flattering. This attitude shift causes Ari to go into full-blown rant mode, with Scott's fiance the object of his venom; "why don't we see how Scott likes it when I start drooling over the future Mrs. Siegel's soon-to-be Jewish ass."
This explosion of Ari-tude leads to the best scene of the night:
"Ever since you got here I have not been able to take my eyes off your ass. I mean it's the perfect shape. It's like God came down, hand-crafted it, and put it on a silver tray for my good buddy Scott over here!" Needless to say that went over like a lead balloon, and soon after the couple leaves and Mr. & Mrs. Ari screw and make up.
The show wraps with Drama attending a charity match Liddell is putting on, and to no one's surprise Drama ends up inside the octagon, gets humiliated by Liddell, and then everyone screams "you got got" at him as Pauly comes out of hiding. The whole thing was like so 1st season, it was kind of embarrassing to watch. Let these guys grow a little already, instead of always making Drama look like a buffoon and Turtle his lackey. The writers keep hinting that Drama's TV show is going to start soon, but why wait? I'd much rather see him going opposite the terrific Ed Burns then looking like an ass for Pauly Shore.
E. ends up confronting Amanda about the tryst with Vince, and she tells him that she's not so sure if it was a one-time thing. He responds by informing her "Vince has a hard time separating business & sex...he almost threw away a million-dollar movie...for Mandy Moore", and just the mention of the name caused my stomach to turn; that was the worst storyline in the series' short history, but this one is shaping up to be a close second.
Even as Amanda & Vince profess their intense like for each other, everyone knows this crappy story is just filling time until the real theme of the season appears- Ari & Vince's reunion. We all know that's inevitable, so instead of spoon-feeding us shitty storylines and telling us its caviar, just get to the real meal and leave these Alpo-based plots for the dogs.
Rule #1 of hit television- respect your audience, don't take us for granted. Or your show will end up lost.
Monday, April 30, 2007
HBO Sunday Night: The Sopranos
T's gambling addiction, hinted at last week, comes front & center this week
" I survived a gunshot wound, so when you think of it, big picture-wise, I'm up. Way up."-Tony to Carmela
While David Chase leads us down the trail of this short, sad swan song season, we have been introduced to a myriad of potential ways that Tony Soprano could meet his ultimate fate, assuming that means either incarceration or death.
- Disgruntled captains?
Paulie, Bobby & Christopher- check.
- Trigger-happy enemies?
Phil Leotardo- check.
- Irate family members?
Uncle June, Janice, Carm- check.
- Federal indictments?
Two-year old gun charge/ 25-year-old murder case- check
Heck I wouldn't even be surprised if that hot-tempered hot tomato Charmaine Bucco came back from television purgatory and sliced Tony's throat with a bread knife after serving him a plate of bigoli.
But the idea proposed out of left field last night left me wondering if I was watching the award-winning mob drama or an episode from season 2 of Lost. As Tony's sudden, crippling gambling addiction unfolded, I kept waiting for a rotund Mexican dude and the guy from Lord of the Rings to appear and start searching all of North Jersey for a Tony-sized hatch.
As the series winds down it's become crystal clear that Chase is living up to his surname; he's leaving us a bushel full of red herrings hinting at many possible scenarios involving the burly anti-hero, seemingly so that when the time comes everyone can say "I knew it was going to happen that way, 'cause remember when Tony and ..."
Wait a minute, 'remember when' was last week's theme, when it was proposed that Paulie could be the mole that sinks Tony's ass. The week before it was Uncle Junior, hopped up on meds and carrying a grudge against his nephew for the situation he is in. The week before that it was a disrespectful Christopher portraying the boss in an unfavorable light up on the big screen that provided grist for a possible T./Chrissy showdown. And in the first episode brother-in-law/under earner Bobby Baccala certainly proved to be an enemy of Tony after their WWE match at the lake house.
Now we can add degenerate gambling to the laundry list of culprits that could topple the great Soprano empire. The episode begins with Tony & the boys at a roulette table in A.C., and Tony losing a hefty chunk of change by going double or nothing on the #23 (a slight jab at that hideous Jim Carrey flick?) Tony tries to blow off the loss, but as the episode goes on and the bad bets pile up, it's obvious that Tony is suffering from an addiction just like that poor schlub J.T. (Tim Daly), who took a beating from Christopher & Paulie back in season 5 for a mere $57,000 debt.
Tony's debts are a lot greater than $57k, though; he still owes his old friend Hesh $200k that he borrowed as a bridge loan in the scene last week that briefly foreshadowed this "sudden" problem, and he's been hemorrhaging cash throughout the ep.
Will this be the great Tony Soprano's downfall? That he can't lay off the latest line?
Meanwhile, the other thread this week dealt with Vito Spatafore's rebellious son, Vito Jr. It seems that VJ isn't handling his homosexual father's sudden passing too well, dressing Goth and tipping over tombstones and stuff. Vito's widow Marie comes to Tony begging for assistance with her problem, in the form of $100 grand so she can move the family to Maine. But cash-strapped Tony's idea is to talk to the kid, and/or get Phil, who is "a cousin or uncle or some fucking thing", to handle the problem.
At Phil's coronation dinner, as he is attempting to schmooze guest star Nancy Sinatra, Tony approaches Phil about the matter. "What, a favor already" the always-smarmy Leotardo replies, and that line alone let's you know the long-simmering fire has been rekindled between the two. Phil is reluctant to get involved- "the turd doesn't fall far from the faggot's ass" is his rationalization- but he agrees to talk to the kid; too bad his idea of a heart-to-heart talk means telling the kid he looks like "a Puerto Rican whore." Classic.
The Hesh/Tony thing takes center stage, much like Paulie & T. did last week. Tony goes to Hesh's plush suburban home and talks about his problems, but Hesh wants the 200k. Tony agrees to pay $3000 a week in vig, but it all leads to resentment by both men, and a lot of name calling & stereotyping of Jews & Italians by both sides. Yawn.
Tony's quest for the big score hits a new low when he wants to use some of the money from the sale of Carmela's spec house to put down on a 'sure thing' NFL game. You're rich, use your own money she tells him, and he makes up a reason why he can't, but she's right, isn't she? Or are we supposed to believe that all these years of lavish spending all of a sudden came up to bite him in the ass?
Anyway, the confrontation escalates to a full-blown war when the game comes in but Tony didn't bet the house on it like he wanted to. "We could've turned your bullshit into a million dollars" he screams at Carm, who is horrified at the all-too-familiar Tony Soprano transformation from loving family man to terrifying, callous beast. He drops a few more unpleasantries on her as she hurls a statue at him and stomps off, and we're left to wonder how it all went wrong so quickly.
A little too quickly in this case.
The ep wraps up with Tony apologizing to Carm and admitting he has a gambling problem that he is trying to control, but he won't let her end up like Ginny Sacrimoni (poor & no where to live.) After little Vito took a shit in the school shower (a scene more disgusting than any murder ever depicted on the show), Tony agrees to pay for the move, but blows the cash on another bad bet. His next solution is to send the kid to a reform school in Idaho, and he vows he will "never, never forget that (Phil) didn't come through here" (cue foreshadowing music please)
In the end Hesh's girlfriend suddenly passes away in their bed, and he is visited by Tony offering his condolences and the $200 grand. I guess all it took was a death in the family to let bygones be bygones, and like every other episode this season, the problem that was introduced in the beginning is put to rest by the end.
It's almost like Chase is stewing a giant pot of gravy, and he's mixing in a bunch of spices & flavors, trying to get the taste just right. A little bit of professional envy, a touch of distrust of old friends, a dash of familial issues and a pinch of gambling losses ought to make it tasty enough, right? And he's letting the whole thing simmer & bubble until it almost boils over, then he turns down the gas and let's it cool off for a little while before putting the burner on high again.
But too many chefs spoil the gravy, and too many red herrings spoil the fun of the mystery.
On tap for next week is the AJ/Blanca situation (that was set up this week by a brief scene in which AJ proposed, she reluctantly accepted, then she dumped him at a Puerto Rican festival), and towards the end of the show we also saw the young Islamic man who came into the Bing for a few scenes last season, just to make sure we have the international terrorist angle covered as well.
The good news is there are only 5 episodes left, so all these lose threads should be tied up soon.
After all, those guys have to get off the island sometime, don't they?
Sunday, April 29, 2007
WTF are the Pats doing?!
First New England drafts a thug from 'Da U' and then it trades for Mr. Malcontent himself, Randy Moss
Sorry I haven't posted in so long, but the Sox blog is really keeping me busy , especially with all the games against New York this past week.
But what has happened during the 2007 NFL Draft these past two days have forced me to put down the red ink and post something about what the Sox' sister team is doing out there in Foxborough.
I went to bed last night reading all I could about New England's only 1st round pick, U 0f Miami safety Brandon Meriweather. All the reports are the same: hard hitter, fast runner, nose for the game, can step in immediately and be a factor in the secondary, all the things you want to hear about a No. 1 pick.
Oh, except for the fact that he tried to bash somebody's skull in on the football field last fall.
Yes, he's that Brandon Meriweather, the one who had his face plastered all over every sports and news show in America, along with 30 of his close friends & teammates after they were inolved in that infamous, ugly on-field melee between Miami and Florida International in October.
Various versions of the video are readily accessible on YouTube, and Meriweather is easy to pick out of the sea of players: he's the skinny one wearing #19 who can be seen joining the fracas shortly after it began, and he is doing his best imitation of trying to put out a fire that might have sprung up on the FIU player's face & legs, because he keeps stomping on them furiously.
Your New England Patriots #1 draft pick, folks.
Of course everyone associated with the team & the league says that Meriweather is contrite, that's not how he really is, and he will have to conform to the strict policies and style of the Patriots team. And when you think about it, the brawl was a spur of the moment thing and he may deserve the benefit of the doubt that his emotions probably got the best of him.
Oh yeah, but he was also involved in a incident where he discharged a firearm in the direction of a suspect who had shot his Hurricane teammate in the ass last July.
Anyway...people change ya know (like the battered wife said about her hot-tempered fiancee)
As if that bit of draft day news wasn't enough to wrinkle the nose of any diehard Pats fan, waking up this morning made one such fan think that the Apocalypse was finally upon us: the Pats traded for wide receiver/world class asshole Randy freakin Moss.
Everyone who watches the NFL knows Randy Moss, whether it be for his spectacular catches, length-of-the-field sprints to the end zone, and acrobatic feats like throwing the ball over his shoulder or catching a hook & ladder and running in for a TD.
Too bad everyone in the country with a TV set knows who Moss is from his litany of on-and-off field incidents, a list that would take up most of this post to detail. Some of the lowlights include attempting to run over a police officer in Minnesota, walking off the field before the end of a game, squirting a bottle of water at a referee during a game, and perhaps most memorably wiping his ass along the goalpost at Lambeau Field during a playoff game a couple of years ago.
Add to that laundry list a history of admitting that he stops trying when he's not into playing, that he jakes it every time he feels like, and that he has such a problem with authority that he drew the ire of respected NFL coach Art Shell and noted football maverick/Black Hole creator Al Davis, and to say the Pats are getting a guy with a lot of baggage is like saying Donald Trump is having a bad hair day- it's redundant.
Of course Moss has talent, although no one knows whether that talent is actually in decline, or have his totals just dropped because he decided he didn't want to contribute in Oakland anymore. Either way, my question is, why bother?
The Pats have always been the leader in taking character over talent, as evidenced by the numerous drafts when big-name guys were on the board but the NE brass went for lesser-known character guys. Now it appears that the team may be selling out on its own motto just to borrow from Davis' familiar mantra of "Just Win Baby"
Is it really worth it to bring another Rozelle trophy to town?
People of Foxborough, heed the words of the immortal Clark W. Griswald: "roll 'em up!"
Monday, April 23, 2007
HBO Sunday Night Review: Entourage
Episode 37: "Manic Monday" 
This week the boys find out it's hard to tell a hot agent "no"
After last weeks' frolicking, fluff-filled episode, this week we returned to the central theme of the season: the "love" triangle between Vince, his former manager Ari and his current agent Amanda.Amanda (Carla Gugino, getting hotter by the week) is still trying to track down Vince; she's looking for an answer as to whether or not he wants to do the Edith Wharton period romance. She calls E. at 6:00 am (in her underwear-nice touch, guys) and furiously scolds him for blowing her off. "You're avoiding me and I don't like it" she barks at him, then demands a meeting with the two of them, where she expects an answer before they leave her office. Bossy little thing, isn't she?
When the boys find out they rib Vince & E. mercilessly, and Drama reminds him "doesn't she work for you, Vince?"
Ari, meanwhile, is still having problems coping with the loss of Vince. We are treated to the return of big, bad barreling Babs, who instructs Ari to fire a slacking employee, normally a task Ari Gold would attack with relish. But the new, meeker Ari is having trouble being his old, nasty, heartless self, and it's not a pretty sight, either.
In the meeting with Amanda she grills the guys about their stance on the Wharton project. Does Vince still want to do it, or is he holding out for that "ghost" project, "Medellin"? As Turtle and Drama listen outside the office to her ripping into Vince like never before, they agree to read the script one more time and get back to her by the end of the day with an answer.
"I never heard Ari talk to Vince like that...it was kinda hot," Drama confesses.
"Hot?" E. replies. "She bullied Vince into making a decision he didn't want to make."
Ari attends a therapy session with Mrs. Ari, where the doctor (SNL alum Nora Dunn) tells him that after suffering the loss of a dear client he may just be evolving into a caring, thoughtful human being. But Ari doesn't want to be that kind of person, and when his wife says that he is afraid to go around town because he might see Vince, Ari goes off on one of his classic Gold-plated rants, berating the doctor and his wife and then stomping out of the office in a huff.
As the boys sit poolside to reread the Wharton script, Ari heads back to his office all amped up to fire the employee. But a funny thing happens when he has the guy in his office, all set up for the firing squad: Ari takes one look at his Lasic-bandaged eyes and listens to his sob story about his wife leaving him and instead of canning him he gives him...a...second...chance.
What? This is not the Ari Gold we have all come to know and love. Give this guy a lobotomy or send him to the old agents home, stat.
When Babs learns of his momentary lapse of reason, she furiously rips into him, telling him "you're not you- you're soft & weak & nice. It's disgusting. Do you want the word to get around town that you're a pussy?" Well put, Babs. And is it just me or are sexy, emasculating women becoming kind of a theme around here?
The boys reread the script and decide that it's definitely not for Vince. Now the problem is, how are they going to tell Amanda? She has a way about her that you just can't tell her no, they agree. "I'd buy diseased fish from her," Drama confesses. "I'd eat it" Turtle counters.
Ari, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, bribes the doctor's secretary to tell him where he can find her, then bum rushes her on the golf course to get some emergency treatment. He confesses that yes, he has been affected by Vince's firing of him, and it has made him lose his edge. What can he do to get it back, he asks her. She has a hard time seeing the problem, though, as it appears that the breakup has caused Ari to become a better human being. He doesn't want to change, he tells her, and she says the choice is his to make. When he rips into her and her "civil servant" husband, she tells him it looks like he's got his angry edge back, he just has to know how to turn it on & turn it off.
That was just the thing Ari needed to hear, and he immediately heads back to Miller-Gold, where the slacking employee is being given an eye test in the conference room by other agents.
"Let me see if you can read this" Ari tells him as he writes the words "GET THE FUCK OUT" on the white board. He then threatens to can anyone else not doing their job- "a 1-strike policy now applies"- and exclaims "damn that felt good" after doing so. While he struts to his office Babs inquires "what happened to you?" and he smugly replies "shock therapy" as he grabs a candy bar from a chunky staffer's hand and tells her "skip it, Ginny."
Now that's the Ari we all know and love!
The climax of the episode sees Vince & E. dining with Amanda and breaking the news to her about the Wharton pic- he doesn't want to do it. Amanda flies into a rage, inquiring why he would tell her two weeks ago that he loved it , only to turn around now and claim it's not right for him.
"It's not so easy to say no to you," Vince confesses. "It's because you're so cute."
That awkward moment leads to more ribbing from the boys as an incredulous E., while admitting that yes, Amanda is hot, tells them "yeah, but once you put it out there, everything changes."
Vince then receives a phone call that will change everything for good. It's Amanda, driving home, and she straight-up asks Vince "do you think I'm hot?" When he sheepishly admits he does, she gets even more straight with him: "I hate sexual tension, Vince, it always leads to confusion, Tell me, do you want to fuck me?"
A stunned Vince stammers that yes, that would be nice, so she tells him they need to fuck each others brains out and get it over with so they can go on to have a long, productive business relationship together. Vince readily agrees, and as he lies to the boys and says he's going out with Jewelery Store Girl, Drama tells the others "$50 bucks says he bangs her."
Now we will have some real drama, because you know how badly this thing is going to turn out- Mandy Moore, anyone? But unfortunately this probably means the end of Gugino's run on the show and the beginning of the patching up with Ari. Of course the relationship with Amanda is going to end poorly, and Ari will probably salvage the Medellin picture just in time to win Vinny back.
It was fun while it lasted, Amanda. Thanks for the memories.
HBO Sunday Night Review: The Sopranos
Tony's pops and Uncle June; "back in the day" was the main theme of this week's show
" 'Remember when' is the lowest form of conversation"- Tony to others at his table, namely Paulie
This week's episode went back to the formula that's been applied the last couple of (disappointing) seasons: plenty of roundabout talk, not a lot of action. It's the formula that has had die hard Sopranoites, like myself, down on the show for a while, but yet in this short season you seem to get the feeling that all the small talk and loose threads are leading to something big.
While last week we saw the return of Christopher and Dr. Melfi, this week welcomed three familiar characters back to the fold: neurotic captain Paulie Walnuts, crazy Uncle Junior, and Tony's philandering libido, all falling under the umbrella theme of the week, recollecting old memories.
The ep opens with Paulie paying a visit to Tony's house early in the morning, delivering the paper and some bad news: a 25-year old murder case could come back to bite them, as Paulie tells him, Larry Barese told the Feds where to find the body of a bookie buried under a house in the old neighborhood.
As Tony and Paulie stake out the crime scene, we find out the hit was Tony's first as a member of the family; the one he "made his bones on." "What are we gonna do?" Paulie asks. "We're gonna pack our toothbrushes," Tony wearily replies.
And thus a familiar theme of this swan song season rears its head: an old, seemingly obscure crime coming back to haunt the boss, much like the 2-year-old gun charge in the first episode that caused Tony a brief case of agita.
Tony packs a bag for a trip down south to Miami to lay low for a while, a fact that Carm is none too happy about. "It's not like I won a trip to Paris" he tells a frowning Carmela. "I know, it's just that, this is what life is still like, at our ages?" she replies. That sobering thought furrows Tony's brow, and you can almost see him thinking back to last week's conversation with Little Carmine about the importance of family at this stage of their careers.
At this point we are re-introduced to an incarcerated Uncle Junior. He is in a mental health facility, but it appears that his bout of craziness that drove him to shoot his nephew may be clearing up. How can we tell this? Because he is back to being the old Uncle June, cracking dirty jokes, running an after-hours poker game and generally defying authority. This new/old behavior leads us to think one of three things is true:
- He was never crazy and faked it to get out of a real prison sentence.
- He is half-crazy and the meds are helping him regain his former self.
- He really is nuts.
Inside, Junior befriends Carter, an angry young Asian-American (an unfortunate choice of characters in light of recent events) who is obviously enamored with the charismatic mafioso. Junior's old cronies offer to help him escape but, after initially expressing interest, he rebuffs their offer.
This storyline really goes nowhere, other than establishing the parallel between confused Junior trying to run an empire from inside his cushy prison and the old ruthless one running the family business in his other life. The funniest part had to be how the poker game used buttons for chips and soda & candy in lieu of cash and booze. "We got Snickers, Kit Kats and Sprees" he barks at them. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Meanwhile, Tony and Paulie head South until the smoke clears. On the drive down (how hilarious was it to see them in that cheesy old minivan?) Paulie starts relating old war stories about he & Tony's dad and other nuggets of a bygone era. After Paulie mentions Ralphie and Big Pussy, Tony casually brings up the joke that Ralphie made about an overweight Ginny Sack, and wonders aloud who would have relayed that put down to her husband, the late NY boss Johnny Sack.
"Who the fuck would tell Johnny about that joke?" Tony playfully-but-menacingly asks Paulie.
"How should I know?" a visibly worried Paulie replies; as he stares out the window, he instantly realizes that his stupid little indiscretion years ago could cost him his life.
The pair agree to stop at a quaint old hotel they used to frequent somewhere in Virginia, only to discover it's been replaced by a sterile new generic chain. At a dinner of nachos and scotch next door, they reminisce some more about the old days and Paulie tells Tony how much his Dad loved him. The story makes Tony appreciate Paulie, but when they check out the next morning and Tony learns that Paulie has been flapping his gums to a guest about where they're headed, his simmering animosity towards the blabbering buffoon causes Tony's blood to rise again.
And therein lies the central issue of this episode: can Tony trust Paulie, a lifelong friend of his father whom Tony idolized growing up, or have his loose lips, irritating personality, and hair trigger temper made him an expendable member of the family?
Upon arriving in Miami, they are wined & dined by old friend Beansie. He hooks the two up with a couple of paid escorts, a connection to a gang trafficking in stolen goods, and some old pictures of Paulie, Uncle Junior and Tony's father. ("... misty, water colored memories...") But when Paulie lets slip about about a young guy who "mysteriously drowned" at a party years back, that simmering hatred for Paulie's style boils to the surface again.
A couple of minor scenes follow, with Junior and his new cohort shaking down the inmates, Phil Leotardo being spoken to like a piece of shit by new boss Doc Santoro, and Tony back to his old tricks, banging the hot blond hooker he was set up with, who over an after-sex smoke tells Tony that she thought Paulie was his dad.
"No, but there was a time that I wished he was. He used to work for my father," he tells her.
"I know, he told me," she responds.
This all leads up to a climactic confrontation between the two lifelong friends. After Silvio gives Tony the good news that Larry told the Feds that old pal Jackie Aprile offed the bookie, Tony decides to celebrate before they leave Florida by going on a deep-sea fishing trip. "I'll rent a boat," he tells Paulie. Paulie's face sinks lower than the Titanic itself. He, we, and everyone else knows the comparisons to Big Pussy's death is inescapable, and David Chase even acknowledges such when upon entering the boat Paulie has a flashback to that day he and Tony mercilessly slaughtered their friend and dumped him in the Atlantic.
The best scene of the night follows with the two of them on the high seas, drinking and fishing, as much for marlin as for clues to Paulie's trustworthiness. As the boat, coyly named the Sea Vous Play (a.k.a 'if you please'), rocks up and down on the high surf (a very unnerving effect in HD, let me tell you), Tony goes back to the insult to Ginny Sack. After a few attempts at humor fail to incite Paulie, Tony comes right out and asks him the question:
"It was you who told him, right? It's no big deal if you did," Tony inquires with that evil, Cheshire-like smile.
Paulie refuses to give in, and for a few moments the tension is as thick as the feeling of motion sickness; Tony glimpses an axe and fillet knife that could instantly end all the doubts he has about Paulie once and for all. But just then, as he watches him looking off the end of the boat, he has a change of heart and decides, like he told Beansie, that he really does love the poor schlub, as aggravating and anal as he may be.
After that Paulie has a surreal dream of Puss cooking dinner in Paulie's kitchen, and a confused-yet-worried Paulie asks him, "When my time comes, tell me, will I stand up?" Kudos for turning to the return of Big Pussy to get the chills going down our necks again, Mr. Chase.
The ending brings us to another homage to The Godfather and the days when bloody power struggles were the norm in La Cosa Nostra: a good old-fashioned gangland slaying. Doc Santoro's brief reign comes to a bloody, bullet-riddled end on a New York street, courtesy of a ticked-off Phil Leotardo, and while a medicated Junior rocks in his chair at the hospital, bloody & beaten by Carter, who turned on him, Paulie, Chrissy, Sil and Bobby sit at the Bing and watch the news about the Santoro hit when Tony walks in.
"Looks like Phil's the main guinea over there now," Sil comments.
And as Paulie's cackling voice is heard in the background, Tony rolls his eyes and wonders if he didn't make a mistake back on the choppy waters off the coast of Miami.
The theme of this year is simple: family, loyalty, and when to get out. Tony is having mixed feelings about continuing to stay in the business, especially with the Feds breathing down his neck, his cohorts keeling over left & right, and his most trusted confidantes (Paulie, Christopher) planting doubts in his mind as to their loyalty and ability to keep the business strong.
Uncle Junior's recovery is going to play a major role in what happens down the line, and you just know that someone in the inner circle- Paulie, Chris, or even Tony- is going to bite the bullet sooner or later.
All I know is Chase is setting us up for a fantastic finale.
I just hope that he doesn't let us down like Tony's close friends have.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Set the DVR(s) to Hyperdrive, Mr. Sulu!
Ah, it's a beautiful spring-like April day throughout the country- finally (hey Northeast & Midwest, welcome to the club), but unfortunately for sports/TV junkies like me there's no time to take a stroll on the beach, play with the kids at the park, or catch up on that yardwork.
No, for there is just too much on the tube today & tonight, and the variety of the programming runs the gamut from icy (NHL Playoffs) to hot (Sloan on Entourage), and from irrational (Tony Soprano) to international (Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka.)
So buckle up folks, fire up that DVR (or, if you're like me and your wife works for BrightHouse, DVRs) and enjoy what could be one of the best television viewing days in recent memory:
NBA PLAYOFFS: (all game 1s)
12:30- Wizards @ Cavs
3:oo- Lakers @ Suns
7:00- Nuggets @ Spurs
9:30- Warriors @ Mavs
Four first round games are on tap for this fisrt Sunday of the playoffs, starting with LeBron James and the Cavs taking on the Wizards at 12:30 and ending with the Mavs latest drive for that elusive title against the Warriors (!) at 9:30. In between we get to see if Kobe can lead the Lakers to an upset of Steve Nash's Suns, and then after dinner we follow Tim Duncan as he tries not to laugh his way out of the game against Carmelo Anthony, A.I. and the Nuggs.
That's a solid 12 hours straight of NBA action, and for all you non-fans out there remember that it's the regular season that is meaningless, boring until the last 5 minutes of the game and seemingly never-ending; the playoffs are meaningful, boring until the last 5 minutes of the game and seemingly never-ending.
NHL PLAYOFFS:
1:00- Devils @ Lightning, GM 6 (NY leads, 3-2)
9:00- Red Wings @ Flames, GM 6 (Wings lead, 3-2)
Only two games on tap, which is good because of all the other action, but the two are a couple of good ones.
First the 'Ning will try to stay alive against the Devils in an elimination game down here at the Ice Palace. Martin Brodeur will try to stop Vinny, Marty & the Bolts from advancing to its second Cup final in 3 years, while the Devils are trying to capture its 4th cup in 10 years.
Later tonight the Wings will try and close out their series with the Flames, but as Lightning fans remember from that Cup-winning season, Calgary in April is not a hospitable place to be, and I'm not referring to the weather.
MLB:
Stankees @ Red Sox, 8P ESPN
Of course it's Sunday so every local team is on TV in their local markets, but the one game that really matters today is being played at 8:00 tonight, on an international stage, with the fate of the free world hanging in the balance
Okay, so I may have exaggerated that last part, but tonight's game between the old, bitter rivals marks the introduction of Japanese hurler Daisuke Matsuzaka, or as he's affectionately know in Beantown, Dice-K, to the madhouse that is the Sox/Yankees rivalry.
There will be hundreds on media members at the old ballpark on Yawkey Way tonight, which just celebrated the 95th anniversary of the first game ever played there, and the eyes of two Nations, Japan and Red Sox, will eagerly await the results of Dice-K's first Evil Empire experience.
Oh yeah, Boston is going for a three-game sweep after wiping the Stanks out the first two games.
(For much, much more on this series & game, click to my Sox blog, Curt's Bloody Sock.)
MUST-SEE TV:
9:00: The Sopranos
10:00- Entourage
The two series are running neck and neck so far over the first two episodes for entertainment bang-for-the-buck.
The mob drama is on its last legs, and not because Johnny Sack ordered a hit on anyone before he succumbed to cancer last week. No, there are only 7 more episodes of this landmark series, and creator David Chase is steadily building the foundation for a potentially explosive finale.
Then again he may have Tony retire to St. Pete where he and Carm sit on the beach and sip margaritas all day long while AJ tries to run the family business.
Either way, it's worth watching the ending of one of the most influential TV series of all time.
On the other hand that show's HBO Sunday Night counterpart, Entourage, is just sinking its teeth into the American pop culture landscape. The show became a breakout hit last season, and so far this season has kept it's foot on the gas.
Whether you tune in for Vince's good looks, Ari's raunchy put-downs, Drama's hilarious nuggets of knowledge or Sloan's smoking hot, well, you get the point, this show is a must for those who want to be in on the watercooler talk on Monday.
There you have it, a FULL day of terrific television viewing.
In case you need help with what to watch, what to TiVo and what to PIP, here's my plan:
1:00-4:00- watch Lightning, PIP Wiz/Cavs
4:00-6:00-at the ballfield forLittle League practice (I was kidding about ignoring the kids)
6:00-8:00- watch end of Lakers/Suns, PIP Nugs/Spurs
8:00-11:30 watch Sox pummel Stanks
9:00-10:30- record Sopranos & Entourage
11:30-? *watch end of Wings/Flames, PIP Warriors Mavs (*NHL playoff elimination games always take precedence over NBA GM 1s)
12:00ish- replay Sopranos & Entourage
You're welcome.
Enjoy.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Guess who the next celeb rehab candidate is?
I'm sure you've heard the infamous rant-filled phone call to his 12-year-old (or is it 11, he's not quite sure) daughter the other day, but just in case you haven't, here's a link to the original post from the leakee of the tape, TMZ.com (the leaker would be Baldwin's ex, Kim Basinger-allegedly.)
Friday, April 20, 2007
Quickie Movie Reviews
Just because I haven't posted any movie reviews recently doesn't mean I haven't watched any.
It just means that either A.) the movies I've seen weren't worth writing about or B.) I got lazy, errr busy, didn't do a review in a timely manner, then forgot about it.
So now I am going to present to you my quickie movie recaps, or QuickCaps if you will.
-The Good Shepherd Drama starring Matt Damon/Rated R/On video now
I just got finished viewing my copy of this (thanks Unc Tony) and I have to say I am torn by the complex, multi-layered film.
On the one hand the story, the cast, cinematography and overall appearance & presentation of the film are impeccable. Director Robert DeNiro has crafted a mesmerizing account of the early days of the CIA, and I was immediately drawn into the secretive life of intelligence officers and the isolated, paranoid lives they lead.
But on the other hand the film is hard to follow at times, either because of the low-talking agents or the highly complex storylines. Throw in the fact that it drags in parts (it has a runtime of nearly three hours) and flashes back & forth between decades, has few likable characters, and that I was unconvinced by fresh-faced Matt Damon playing the part of a grizzled agent and I came up with more than enough reasons not to recommend it.
Don't get me wrong, the film is excellent; but with a little bit of editing and an actor that could bring a bit more gravitas to the role, like Liam Neeson or Damon's buddy George Clooney, in the leading role, this historical spy flick
could have been a classic.
-Borat Comedy starring Sasha Baron Cohen/Rated R/On video now
I was in no hurry to see this raunchy comic adventure in the theaters, mainly because I had seen all of SBC's hilarious HBO episodes of Da Ali G Show, so I knew what to expect.
And when I finally got around to renting it, I was not disappointed. The movie, like the Borat segments of the series, is a stand-up act gone amok, where the comedian is actually taking his character to the next level and launching himself on unsuspecting Americans, usually with outrageous results.
If you're not a fan of anti-gay, anti-Jew and anti-woman humor, don't bother. But if you're the kind of person who loves to see two naked men 69 each other for fun, this movie is for you.
-Happy Feet Animated comedy/Rated PG/On Demand now
The first thing I said after I viewed this Oscar winner for Best Animated Feature was "am I missing something?"
Seriously, this little trifle of a film, with a too-cutesy-to-be-cute premise of a little odd penguin who just can't help himself when it comes to tapping his little flippered feet, was one of the worst, most uninteresting, unamusing and utterly unimaginative pieces of animated garbage I have ever seen.
And I know I'm not alone, because my wife, son and stepdaughter all thought the same thing, namely how the f--k did this beat out Cars for the Oscar?! Every five minutes the animals broke out in a song & dance number, and just in case anyone missed the premise of the "plot", the cute little penguin would do his silly little happy feet gag about every 10 minutes or so.
It just goes to show you what a huge marketing campaign, decent word of mouth, and hitting the theaters at the right time (holiday season) can do for a film.
You want to see a great little flick about talking penguins? Check out Farce of the Penguins, a raunchy retake with filthy voice work from Bob Saget and Tracy Morgan.
-Meet the Robinsons Animated comedy/PG/In theaters now
Another attempt by the folks at Disney to bring back the glorious days of yesteryear, you know, before Pixar and DreamWorks came along and stole the legendary studio's animation thunder.
How desperate are the Disney-ites to get people to believe in their product again? How about in place of trailers showing an ages-old Mickey Mouse cartoon, which left most of the Gen-XYZers in the audience staring at the screen in silence, like they'd just seen a dinosaur. Which they had.
The film itself is a forgettable bit of fluff, with ideas stolen from James Bond, Blade Runner, Wild Wild West, The Jetsons, Robots, Star Wars and Back to the Future and full of lame attempts at being another Shrek. Young Lewis is an orphan with a penchant for making incredible inventions that somehow always thwart his potential adoptions. One day he gets a visit from a villainous man named, originally enough, the Bowler Hat Guy, who wants to steal one of his inventions and use it for his own dastardly deeds.
If you've seen any of the aforementioned films, then you can see how this one is going to turn out. I won't spoil it, but the ending involves a special message from Walt Disney himself: Keep Moving Forward
If only the bottom-line loving suits running Walt's company now would follow that sage advice themselves.
-Saw III Horror/Rated R/ On demand nowAfter watching the latest installment in this shock-filled gore-fest, I wasn't sure if I had just seen Saw III or Hostel II.
Old friend Jigsaw is back for more bloody mayhem, but this time he's got help: former victim-turned-accomplice Amanda. Since Jiggy is laid up in a makeshift hospital room, slowly passing away from cancer, he's not able to construct his elaborate schemes of torture and death. So he has his new protege do the deeds for him. Trouble is, Amanda may be more ruthless than Jigsaw, and that could lead to both of their downfalls.
The problem I have here is that the makers of the series wanted to blend jump-from-your-seat scares with puke-your-guts-out gore. The result? A decent story about a guy who must work his way through a maze of tortuous puzzles in order to get to the ultimate finale is ruined by a non-stop stream of rib cages being ripped open, men drowning in shredded pig carcasses and power drills performing brain surgery.
Because since the original came out in 2004 we have been subjected to vile, bile-filled frightfests like Hostel and The Hills Have Eyes and now simply placing a man on a floor for 2 hours and then having him come to life is no longer good enough.
How I long for the days when a simple hacksaw to the ankle was sufficient.
(side note: this was one of those rare times I wished I didn't watch something in HD)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
The new face of evil incarnate
As if to prove slaughtering 33 innocent college students and professors isn't the most despicable, evil, hateful and disturbing thing a citizen of the planet can do, twisted fuck/Va Tech killer Seung-Hui Cho actually filmed segments of himself addressing the world and attempting to explain the method to his madness in between his bloody rampages.
This bastard sent film, stills and a 1800-page manifesto to NBC news after he killed his first 2 victims and just before the maniac went into a classroom building and murdered 31 more people. In it he says that the rich and spoiled deserve to die, that "they made him do this", and that he felt Columbine killers Dylan Kliebold and Eric Harris were "martyrs"
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
HBO Sunday Night Review: Entourage
Following the high drama & inside Hollywood catfighting of last week's premiere, this week's episode qualified as pure, unadulterated filler, although there were some incidents that could lead to further drama down the road. More on that in a bit.
The show opens with Vince & E. hard at work dodging Amanda regarding the Wharton film and planning a romantic getaway with their significant others. One problem: Vince doesn't have an "other", significant or otherwise, right now, so he is desperately trying to find a suitable weekend companion while E. tries to dissuade him from making a hasty choice. That's because Sloan thinks E. is a big baby for not telling Vince straight out that he doesn't want to go away with him, instead looking for any excuse to use as an "out."
"The guy freaks out if I'm more than 100 miles away from him" E. explains.
"I think it's mutual" she responds...."you're a little Vince's boy!" Oh, burn!
Drama and Turtle are at first hurt by the guys going away without them, until they reveal their big plan for the weekend: hitting the local dog park and trying to score some "bitches." Now call me crazy, but I thought last season Drama & Turtle had grown out of these two-dimensional pussy-hunting caricatures and stated to make some headway to becoming actual productive citizens. Seeing them make fools out of themselves over a couple of hot chicks at a pooch park made me wince and long for the days of Drama getting a woody over co-star Brooke Shields and Turtle organizing record playing parties for Saigon.
Anyway that leads into the Ari portion of the show, which kicks off to the classic "Microphone Fiend" by Eric B. & Rakim and Ari informing Lloyd that he will be able to assist in signing the agency's next big client, television writer Jay Lester (MadTV's Will Sasso.) Why will Ari's put-upon gay Asian assistant be involved in the signing of a valuable client? "Because he's a big queen" Ari informs him. When Lloyd expresses his reservations about whoring himself out for the company, Ari reasons with him "Lloyd, this is the big one. So just go and grab your best dress and know that today your love of cock is a huge asset to the company." Fucking priceless Ari!
The show meanders here for a bit, showing Drama & Turtle running into a snag with their dog park conquests when Turtle's Rottie injures the girls' dog in a tiff over a steak. Meanwhile Ari & Lloyd meet Jay, who is a big queen, and with Lloyd's help they convince Jay to sign with Miller-Gold. But there's a catch: Jay wants Lloyd to deliver the contract personally, as Jay always has a little "signing party" with his prospective agent's assistants.
More scenes follow of Sloan basically calling E. a wimp for no being straight up with Vince over the weekend in Napa, the boys blowing off Amanda's phone calls, and Turtle and Drama attempting to get laid. The best part of the episode takes place when Lloyd goes to meet Jay for the signing at a thumping gay disco. As Jay wines & dines his victim, Ari & Mrs. Ari (1st appearance this season) are driving home from dinner with Ari displaying feelings of regret over what he is making Lloyd do.
"I sold my soul today" he tells his wife.
"Tomorrow's another day; you always have a chance to get it back," she responds.
"We're Jews, baby, no we don't."
As the thought of what Lloyd might be doing right then all for the good of his ruthless agency, Ari shows a human side no one knew he had and decides to go rescue his dedicated little gay soldier. When he quickly spins the car around the misses asks him where he's going. "To Boystown baby, buckle up!"
Ari entering the club had to be one of the funniest moments in the show's brief history. As he wades through the sea of half-naked men writhing to the techno beat, he raises his arms high in the air shouting "coming through...civilian...no touching...OWWWW!" He reaches Jay and Lloyd just as they are about to retreat to Jay's love palace, but informs the burly writer that he can't allow him to leave with his assistant. When Jay tells Ari that if he isn't allowed to consummate the deal in his favored style, then there will be no deal, Ari gets off the line of the show:
"That's fine with me. Because we may be whores at my agency, but we ain't pimps." Once again, classic fucking Ari!
The episode ends with yet another terrific outro scene. After Vince's date spills the beans that Sloan is particular about who she goes away with, a miffed Sloan makes E. come clean to Vince the truth about the weekend retreat.
"You're not upset?" E. asks Vince. No he tells him, and then he plans a weekend getatway of his own with Turtle and Drama in Cabo San Lucas.
The ep ends with another great tune, the Stones' "Tumbling Dice", and the three buddies boarding a private jet bound for Mexico, smoking weed, doing shots of Patron, and lamenting the fact that E. won't be able to help them judge the wet T-shirt contests.
Cut to E. and Sloan making the 7-hour drive to Napa in E.'s Aston Martin and Sloan pretending to be mad at E. for blaming her about the trip fiasco with Vince. "What, you're not going to talk to me the whole trip?"
" Oh I'll talk, but I wouldn't expect much else" she icily replies, then turns away and gives a devilish smile to the camera.
Who knew? Sexy, innocent Sloan may end up being Yoko Ono to the boy's band? Like I said, the episode was pure fun, but did lay the foundation for future problems. For now the questions remain: will Vince get back with Amanda, or is Carla Gugino doomed to join the long list of underused cast members? If he does blow off Amanda, how long before he gets back with Ari? And now that Ari showed that he does have a heart somewhere in there, will he turn out to be a softie when it comes to his clients?
I don't know about all that, but I do know one thing: E. was a dam fool/major pussy for not being straight with Vince about wanting to go away alone with Sloan. I mean who could blame him? She's hotter than Clearwater Beach in mid-August, and a romantic getaway with another couple isn't exactly romantic. As she said to E. when he detailed his plan to avoid telling Vince his true feelings,
"All this not to upset Vince? How sad?"
Well put, Sloan, well put.
HBO Sunday Night Review: The Sopranos
Season 6, PT II, Episode #79: "Stage 5"
Summary: I call this episode Fall Out Boy. Christopher's movie is ready to drop, but the similarities between life & art could have a devastating effect on his relationship with Tony.
I decided to split up my HBO Sunday Night Review into two separate parts, one for each show. The reasons behind this include the diversity between the programs-one is a cold, hard drama while the other is a fluffy, frat boy partyfest; the fact that some people do not watch both shows, so separating the reviews makes it easier to pick which show they want to read about; and last but not least it will cut down my post from "War & Peace"-esque to more palatable portions.
Last night's Sopranos episode, which can be classified as the 79th in series history, the 2nd of the second half of the last season, or the 8th-to-last episode ever, wove a complex tale similar to last week's episode, and taking them both together it appears that creator David Chase is weaving many threads into a large, all-encompassing blanket of finality.
The intersection of real life & celebrity was an underlying theme in this episodeWhile last week the Tony/Janice/Bobby dynamic was examined, this week was all about Tony's relationship with prodigal (almost) son Christopher. The ep begins with a scene from Chrissy's recently completed mob-slasher flick, "Cleaver." Highly-respected thespian Daniel Baldwin is playing the role of Sally Boy, a hotheaded mob boss who has betrayed and been betrayed by his right-hand man, whose actual right hand has been replaced by a meat cleaver. The bloody scene ends with Cleaver splitting Sally Boy's head open with his appendage, and the bitter seeds of betrayal are planted in everyone's minds.
From there we are put in a doctors office with a frighteningly gaunt & balding Johnny Sack. It appears that on top of his 15-year prison sentence he has also been sentenced to death by lung cancer, although "ironically" he quit smoking after 38 years upon his incarceration (like it wasn't gonna catch up to him!) The specialist he has been allowed to fly and consult with gives him the grim news that the chemo & meds have not been able to stop the cancer form spreading to his brain, and the prognosis he gives the former dapper don is grim: he's only got 3 months to live.
(side note: it is a tribute to the acting skills of Vincent Curatola that I did not give a shit that the guy had been given a death sentence. Usually witnessing a scene like that will evoke painful memories or feelings, but for Johnny Sack, I felt no remorse; kudos, Mr. Curatola!)
Back home Johnny encounters a hospital volunteer named Manny (a great cameo by famed director Sidney Pollack), a former oncologist serving time for murdering his wife, who disagrees with the expert's diagnosis and says he believes he might have a year or more. Either way it's now obvious that the New York family will need a new leader.
But where will that leadership come from? The underwhelming choices come from cranky & reluctant Phil Leotardo, young & inexperienced front runner Gerry Torciano, old-school asshole Doc Santoro, and passive lughead Carmine Lupertazzi, who is more interested in making movies with Chrissy than taking over the business.
Meanwhile Tony is dealing with his son's bitchy girlfriend and a troubling early morning visit from his FBI agent buddy; the Feds are looking for any information on terrorist activities Tony can give them, which Tony shrugs off by saying "I think there's a word for that." But Agent Harris drops an interesting clue before departing; upon asking for Tony's help, he says "it's the same pitch we gave Christopher Moltisanti, maybe he never mentioned it." Ah, cue that foreshadowing music please!
At the Cleaver screening everyone and their brothers are there, and this is where the episode took off. The scene on the screen features Sally Boy in a robe in the basement of his house, conducting a heated meeting which ends with him throwing a jar of nails against the wall. "That's you" Carm whispers to Tony, who grins an 'aw shucks, no way' smile then basks in the thought of being immortalized on the big screen. But when the boss beds the fiancee of his trusted protege, the parallels between the two men becomes less flattering.
And therein lies the crux of the problem; when Carm later tells Tony that everyone (well, Ro at least) thought that the similarity between the film and his alleged affair with Adriana was not coincidental, a light starts to dawn in Tony's head. As Tony protests that "it's just a movie", Carm shoots back with "it's a revenge fantasy, Tony, which ends with the boss' head being split open with a meat cleaver." Hmmmm.
Cut to Dr. Melfi's first appearance of the season, and Tony spilling his guts to her about his feelings for Christopher. "All I did for this fucking kid and he hates me so much; it's pretty obvious he wants to see me dead."
Is it possible that on some level you're reading too much into this?" she asks him.
"I've been coming here for years, I know too much about the subconscious now." Great. Line.
So the seeds are sewn for a revenge fantasy to play out within the family as well as the movie-within-the-show. As the episode concludes Johnny Sack passes away, his successor Gerry is gunned down in a Godfather tribute scene while dining with Sil, and with Christopher's new baby getting baptised; Tony, the apparent Godfather, hugs Chrissy in a forlorn embrace. I got chills realizing that might be the last time the two of them ever share a friendly moment together again, and for that I almost did shed a tear.
There's a line in the scene at the Cleaver after party when Tony tells Christopher how important it was that he made the movie, and it was almost as if David Chase were trying to speak to the audience directly:
"One hundred years from now when were dead & gone, people will be watching this fucking thing."
You're absolutely right, Mr. Chase.
Real life tragedy marginalizes sports again
A gunman at Virginia Tech University slaughters 22 people and wounds at least 28 others in a killing spree that dwarfs all other campus slayings
One day after celebrating the life of one of America's greatest heroes, Jackie Robinson, and on a day when the historic Boston Marathon is being run, the NHL playoffs are in full swing and MLB & the NBA have a full slate of games scheduled, a tragic mass-murder on one of the nation's most picturesque college campuses has made athletic endeavors meaningless.
At around 7:15 this morning a gunman entered a resident dorm on the 2,600 acre campus located in Blacksburg, Virginia, and opened fire on the students inside. According to MSN.com, as police & investigators responded to that scene, the gunman evidently relocated to a class building and resumed his massacre.
He later reportedly killed himself.
It's still early & obviously chaotic on the site, so details are sketchy at this time. It is not known who the shooter was, if he was a student or not, how many people died in each building, and what the reason for the rampage may have been.
All we do know is that this tragedy now has the dreadful distinction of being the deadliest campus killing spree in American history, surpassing the University of Texas and Columbine High School massacres. If any others are found dead, this will become the deadliest mass-shooting ever in the United States.
And suddenly sports are revealed to be the unimportant bits of trifling entertainment that they truly are.
