What's going on? Random updates

Sorry I've been gone so long. I went to see Michael Richards perform at a comedy club in New York and Michael Strahan & Plexiglass Burress bum-rushed him and cut off his reattached arm with a hacksaw. The weird part about it was that Britney Spears & Danny DeVito were in the audience, she was laughing the whole time while her privates flapped in the wind and he was drinking the hot new cocktail "the limoncello" like they were going out of style.

But seriously it has been a crazy couple of days, news-wise, and by crazy I mean all these freaking mind numbingly inane stories have worked to drive me CRAZY! I can't take any more of it. Between Michael Strahan & the Giants, Bare Britney & her new gal pals, and Danny DeVito getting soused and visiting the View I seriously think my brain is fried. Throw in the finale of Prison Break and NBC's Thursday Night Comedy Block and I'm ready to sit down with a good, long book. Anyone read that "DaVinci Code"?

-Strahan calls out teammate, then drills reporter for asking about it

Only in New York. Actually only in this age of media overexposing every iota of movement of celebrities & athletes can a non-story such as this turn into what appears to be the news story of the century. In summary, injured Giants DE Michael Strahan went on WFAN and called out teammate Plexiglass Burress for giving up on a ball in their crushing loss to the Titans on Sunday. Every person in the country who watched the game or the highlights knows this to be true. As the ball sailed over his head and into the arms of the Titans defender, Burress' body language said "man I wish I was sitting on South Beach sucking down limoncellos right now", and the Giants went on to make 45 more boneheaded plays as they blew a 21-point 4th quarter lead and lost the game. So Strahan was just being honest when he said , ah forget it, I can't even bring myself to dredge it back up. Basically he called Burress a lazy ass who gave up on his team, and when ESPN's Kelly Naqi asked Strahan if he had talked to Burress about it, Strahan proceed to go on a sandwich-faced tirade against Naqi and the media in general. Rule #1 in the athlete handbook: when something goes wrong, always blame the media. But wasn't it the media that Strahan used to get his initial message across? After all, FAN is a radio station, correct. Now the entire Giants team is in spin control while their season spirals out of control as they head into their biggest game of the season Sunday against their arch rivals, the Cowboys. You see why this story, beaten to DEATH by - who else?- the media has given me a triple migraine. I can't talk about it any more or my head...is...going...to.....

-Britney Spears shows her wild side, her underside, and her whoreish side

This is another story that has been beaten like an old rug (pun intended.) The soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Kevin Federline (tee hee) has found some new pals to help her through her post-marital misery, and they are none other than Paris Hilton & Lindsey Lohan. Excuse me? And what have these lovely ladies of decorum been advising Brit to do during this tough time? Party her friggin' ass off, that's what. The omnipresent Hilton was first spied with Spears last week some time, and the pair have been hitting the party scene hard every night since. But there have been some disturbing sightings while the two twits table dance their way thorough Tinseltown, and I don't mean Brit flicking a lit cig out of Paris' car window. No, I'm referring to the fact that every person in the world found out that Ms. Spears apparently doesn't believe in underwear. The Bare Brit spread her legs and showed everybody where little Sean Preston & K-Fed Jr. came from, and unfortunately I'm talking about her C-section scar. Yep, the silly hillbilly decided that the best way to recover from the agony of a failed marriage is to let the entire planet get a look at her baby maker. Nice. And the other disturbing fact is that she did it not once but TWICE, first Monday night getting into Paris' ride and then Tuesday at an LA area gas station. Does anyone not see this talentless chick's career going into the toilet and her living the rest of her life in her Tennessee mansion drinking herself into a coma? I don't know what's worse here, that Spears looks up to Paris as "her idol", that Paris appears to be the one with more common sense, or that in the last few months Spears and buddy Lohan have both showed the world 2 places you absolutely do not want to be?

-So Danny DeVito was a little liquored up on The View yesterday, so what?

Still trying to decide which is the bigger non-story, the Strahan situation or this little gem. In case you've been under a rock for the past few days, evidently little Louie DePalma visited the seahags of The View on Wednesday and he confessed that he wasn't feeling quite up to par. Why? Well apparently Louie was out the night before with none other than George Clooney himself, and the two tied one on pretty good. So good, in fact, that Lil Louie confessed to the "ladies" that he was still out that morning and in fact had not been to bed yet as of 10:00am. Hmm, nothing wrong there. One of the ugliest celebs in the world and one of the hunkiest pounding down a few cocktails until the wee hours of the morning, Louie telling Georgie how he wishes he had his looks and George telling Louie that he wished he had his gift for comedy, yadda, yadda, yadda. The reason it got so much pub is that all of a sudden Louie went into this extended, expletive-laced "Three Stooges" schtick about "President Numbnuts" and then proceeded to tell everyone about the time he and wife Rhea Perlma christened the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House. Now that's an image we could do without. You can view the "controversial" clip here. Now all the news outlets are eating this alive, saying Louie appeared drunk and he embarrassed himself and he embarrassed Barbara Walters and blah, blah, blah. As Glenn Beck said on his show last night (great show, by the way, and I'm not just saying that because my future brother-in-law Paul is a producer. Okay I am): "what kind of world do we live in when you're on national TV and you're not supposed to be drunk!?" Amen, Glenn. I mean give me an actual story, will ya. Clooney & DeVito's night out drinking limoncellos is a better story that DeVito appearing drunk on the hagfest that is the View. As Beck's guest so eloquently put it, "I have to be fairly drunk just to watch The View." Amen to that, too.

-Prison Break has 'mid-season finale'

I guess in this day & age of staggered starting schedules, shorter season lengths and drawn out drama we have to add that phrase to the TV vernacular now. Because that is what the nets are doing- give us half a seasons worth of shows, take a 2 month break to try and launch another crappy pilot, then come back in late January and act like it never left. Weird.

Anyway, the first half of Season 2 was starting to drag- how many times can we see Linc & Michael "barely escape" from a pursuing Agent Mahone (Bill Fichtner) and "accidentally" meet up with fellow cons Sucre, C-Note and T-Bag? The show was starting to stretch the laws of believability so thin Nicole Ritchie was trying to fatten it up. But in the 'mid-season finale' (let's call it the MSF for short) they got back some of my interest by throwing in a twist I didn't see coming (SPOILER ALERT): they turned the "love to hate him" Agent Kellerman against the Agency and onto the brothers' side when he shot Mahone and aided Michael & Linc's latest escape. How did that happen? Kellerman was deemed agent non-grata by the superbly slimy Agent Kim & his superiors when he failed to kill Dr. Tancredi, who escaped certain death & dismemberment in a motel bathtub by branding Kellerman's chest with a hot iron and jumping out of the window, falling 2 stories down onto a car windshield.

Meanwhile Mahone tracked the brothers to New Mexico where they were supposed to get on the plane headed to Panama. But after Mahone shot and killed they boys' father, and he told them with his last dying breath that Sara held the answers to unlocking (hint hint) the conspiracy surrounding Linc's trumped up murder charge, they had a change of heart and decided to stay stateside. Sucre got on the plane, which was chased down by a fighter jet and he had to parachute to safety.

Long story short the Border Patrol (nice work, George W.) caught the boys just as Mahone was about to put bullets in their heads, they end up being transferred back to Fox River (dumb plot point #427), Mahone & Kellerman conspire to take them out. But since Kellerman has been erased from the Agency's database he decides to take out Mahone, shooting him and telling the brothers to trust him if they want to get back at the President for the whole mess. Kellerman is now a rouge agent intent on helping the "enemy", or so we think.

Like I said, and the wife put it best, if they didn't come up with something good for the finale we wouldn't be picking it back up when it re-premieres (another new term) on January 22nd. I'm not sure if I like Agent Evil turning into the good guy, and I know I don't want Mahone to be dead, but I do know that they hooked me enough to tune back in after the hiatus. Because there are a number of questions I want answers to:

1.) Is Mahone dead? (Smart money bets on kevlar.)

2.) Where is Sara and how will the boys "conveniently" find her?

3.) Can Kellerman be trusted, or is he just trying to get to Sara?

4.) When & how will the brothers meet up with T-Bag & the money?

5.) Will T-Bag slaughter his ex?

6.) What happens to Sucre & C-Note?

7.) Who is the mystery man instructing Agent Kim?

8.) Is Sgt. Bellick going to have his salad tossed now that he's locked up in Fox River?

-NBC has a new Thursday night block of Must See TV

It might not be the juggernaut that was Friends/Will & Grace/Seinfield/Frasier but NBC's new experiment of 4 straight comedies on Thursday night is winning rave reviews so far, and I after watching tonight I would have to agree.

The programming geniuses at the Peacock Network have piled the comedy high and come up with 2 hours of "get away from reality & laugh television", and after all the craziness of the past few days I found it was just what the doctor ordered. Not all the shows will be liked by everyone, but they all offer something different in the comedy genre:

8PM: My Name is Earl

The quirky show has lost some of its luster (and laughs) in its sophomore season but still cranks out at 4-5 riotous moments per show. Like tonight when Joy (Jaime Pressley) started cracking up when her deaf lawyer, played by Marlee Matlin, starts talking and she says "I love it when you use your deaf accent", or Earl feeds his gambling jones by betting on where chickens will take a crap on a numbered board. Did you catch the cameo by Kadeem Hardison there? Diff'rent World indeed. This show is an acquired taste (the wife HATES it), but one thing is for sure: it's original. So it's got that going for it .

8:30PM: The Office

Most of you already know my opinion on this one- it's the best comedy on television, hands down. Steve Carell as daffy boss Michael Scott is the engine that keeps the show moving, but it the terrific ensemble of supporting players that give the show heart. The office romance between Pam & Jim is on hold while Jim dates the new hottie from the Stamford branch, but you know it's only a matter of time before those two hook up again (like the season finale.) Dwight is one of the most neurotic, moronic jerks ever portrayed on the small screen but he may have a terrific foil in the hilarious Andy (Ed Helms), another Stamford transplant (and Daily Show vet, like Carell.) And the rest of the dimwits (Kevin, Kelly) and weirdos (Angela, Meredith) round out the cast perfectly. If you've ever worked in an office this show truly is must-see TV.

9PM: Scrubs

I never got into this show before, but I've seen it a few times and it is quite funny. Quirky, like Earl, but funny. It has a bunch of surreal situations and wacky humor which reminds me of Boston Legal, but this show perfected the formula first. Zach Braff plays JD, the center of the hospital-based funhouse, but the other characters, like the hilarious Chris Turk (Faison Love) and the riotous Dr. Cox (John McGinley) really carry the weight of the comedy. Great line tonight when Dr. Cox is called in by his interns for an "emergency"; he's decked out in a sweaty, slobby cutoff sweatshirt and hideous Zubaz sweatpants and says "do you know where I just came from" and one of them replies "a Joe Piscapo look-alike contest?" He makes them run laps around the ward, even the one with asthma. Quirky, funny, well-cast and original. They should run this one back-to-back with Earl for a double dose of surreality.

9:30: 30 Rock

This show is freakin' awesome. And I'm not just saying that becasue my sis Meliss works at 30 Rock, otherwise known as 30 Rockefeller Plaza, NBC's New York headquarters. How can a show that has Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan and Jane Krakowski be bad? Evidently it can't because this show about the inside workings of a TV show, produced & created by Fey & SNL creator Lorne Michaels, is a winner. Balwin is terrific as cocky head honcho Jack Donaghy, Fey is superb as the put-upon head writer Liz Lemon, Morgan channels Martin Lawrence schtick as a black movie star with a complex, and Krakowski is great as the self-conscious fading starlet. Great bit tonight about Liz' loser boyfriend who sells beepers (Jack: "wait a minute, I'm expecting a call from 1984".) Hopefully this show will get a new life in this new block, and my guess is that if it sticks around it will be up for a few Emmys.

Well that's about all I got. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of limoncellos and watch The View. I'll leave you with a picture of the plaza where the famous Rockefeller Center Christmas tree is located, courtesy of my sis.

Actual footage from an office window at 30 Rock (thanks sis!)