Thursday, January 17, 2008

Could the latest episode of 'Randy Being Randy' derail Pats?

Answer: Not likely, but it sure could jeopardize his job security and impending payday

By now we all know the details that have made available surrounding the latest strange & scandalous story involving Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss.

But, in case you've been watching too much American Karaoke, here's a brief rundown:

Moss has been slapped with a restraining order by a "longtime companion" of his, who claims that on January 6th, Moss inflicted bodily harm on her and then would allow her to leave her residence to seek medical attention for the (alleged) injuries. The document also states that Moss has a drinking problem, and owns some firearms.


The episode quickly went from Internet rumor to full-blown scandal after Moss took to time out of his normally media-silent week to defend himself in an impromptu news conference at Gillette on Wednesday that had the feel of a future R. Kelly rape trial presser.

He claims that this companion was slightly injured during an act of "horseplay", and that he never tried to prevent her from taking care of her injury. It was all a misunderstanding. In fact, he professes to have "never laid a hand on a woman in his life", this coming from a guy who tried to run over a meter maid in Minneapolis.

Since then shots have been fired from both camps, with the Moss lawyers stating that he was being extorted by a companion of the companion to the tune of $500 Gs, and The companions firing back that Moss tried to blackmail them to stay quiet.

It's a classic, convoluted case of 'he said-she said', but let's get one thing clear: since no one wants to talk about what actually happened, and the women is being labeled a "companion", and Moss deemed the action an accident, we can all assume that this was some R. Kelly-related form of kinky sexual injury we're talking about, and not a full-fledged attack on a defenseless woman.

In other words, it's just another case of Randy Being Randy, which is evidently the mid-winter equivalent of Manny Being Manny for Boston sports fans.

But the big question is, will this distraction hinder the team's ability to obliterate every team in its path on the way to immortality?

And the answer is no. because nothing, not even the lead QB impregnating an actress and then upgrading to a supermodel, can prevent this team from accomplishing its goals. Especially not a minor flare up like this.

No, the question isn't whether Randy will go on to catch 10 passes for 150 yards and 3 scores on Sunday, the question is what this latest incident--and the pending outcome of any legal decisions-- could do to his status as an unrestricted free agent?

Over the last few weeks word was coming out that Moss, who took a major pay cut and a 1-year deal to play for New England this year, could command, or demand, $10 million a year for multiple years following his record-breaking 23 TD reception season.

But with another character blemish hanging over Randy's cornrows like a nagging bug, the Pats brass will have him right where they like all their star players not named Brady: over the contract barrel.

Good move, Randyman. Now go ring up that 10/150/3 game and continue to pray this issue all blows away.


Monday, January 14, 2008

2008 AFC Championship Game: Chargers vs. Pats

San Diego stuns Colts, setting up a playoff rematch with the Pats, this time at Gillette Sunday's AFC Divisional Playoff Game was an "either/or" proposition for the New England Patriots and their ever-polarizing fan base:

either the Colts would win, setting up a grudge match rematch of their epic AFC Championship game of a year ago; or the Bolts would win, setting up a grudge match rematch of their epic AFC Divisional Playoff Game from a year ago. Not to mention it would also mean that Peyton's legacy would be back in its proper place -- playoff choker.

Either way, it was a win/win for Pats fans no matter how you sliced it.

Turns out Peyton and the beat up Colts were not as well prepared to defend their title as everyone thought they would be, and the listless Mannings dropped another big home playoff game, falling short of the big prize once again when they gagged to the Chargers, 28-24.

Christmas in January, anyone.

How else can you describe having the irritating, infuriating, self-promoting ADD-riddled quarterback with the goofy family and the toothy smile at home watching this year's battle for the Bowl instead of fucking with the Pats mojo during it?

And how do you explain our team getting another chance to elicit tears from the Whiny Bunch, a.k.a. LT, Merriman, Phillips and the rest of the crybabies from the left Coast, who still haven't stop bitching about New England players mocking Merriman's idiotic sack dance at midfield following that classic 24-21 comeback victory in San Diego last January?

Ho ho ho!

So the teams will meet again, this time in Foxborough, but at this point, does it really matter who lines up opposite the juggernaut that is the 2007 New England Patriots?

They've already beaten 4 of 5 supposed other "best teams" in the NFL this year --Indy, Jacksonville, Dallas and Pittsburgh -- not to mention already dismantled this very Chargers team, one that was chomping at the bit for revenge for that stinging postseason loss, back in Week 2 in Foxborough.

Throw in the fact that the Bolts are more banged up than Courtney Love after a 3-week bender, with QB Phillip Rivers, Tomlinson and TE Antonio Gates all nursing semi-significant injuries, and it shouldn't matter that we all know how hard it is to beat a good team three times in a row, should it?

Well, just ask the Cowboys about that one.

Go Pats. Kick the Chargers right in their whale's vagina.