Me & my HD: Our 1 week anniversary

Yes ladies and gentleman, it's already here...

...the one week anniversary of me and my high definition television.

I know, I know, it's so annoying when newlyweds act goo goo gaa gaa, slobbering all over each other in public, and do stupid things like track anniversaries by the day, week and month instead of by years and decades.

Just cut me some slack, I'm still in that puppy love stage.

What I've realized after one week in HD TV Land is that there is so much more to the world of high def than just swapping out TVs & entertainment centers and pressing the power button on your new HD DVR remote. Well, on second thought, that really is all there is to it, but psychologically there is so much more to deal with.

Such as not wanting to go back to the "regular" cable channels, ever, and by regular I mean anything below the 600s, including basic cable, premium cable and digital cable channels. It just doesn't seem right; as soon as the TV has to adjust the screen for HD-deficient viewing, I begin to get weepy. When the blue light on my surround sound receiver goes off because I exit the 5.1 territory of HD for measly 2.0 standard audio, I start to get anxious and my hands get clammy.

The only way I can think of to combat this unwanted sensation is to stay in the realm of HD viewing, which with only 15 or so decent channels available in my area right now, is not always as easy as is sounds. But the best thing about HD programming is that there is a whole new world of shows out there that "regular" TV viewers don't even know exist.

Leave it to me to shine a little LCD light on the unexplored world of high def, with some highly entertaining top 5 lists (lists are in no particular order; it's only been a week)

*Best HD Channels:

• ESPN- almost every major sport broadcast in 1080i all year 'round; 'nuff said
• Discovery- undersea, outer space and inner earth, Discovery HD has it all covered while intimately immersing the viewer in each alien world
• HD Net/ inHD- movies, sports, music and specials; these would be my "must-have" channels if me & my HD were Lost on an island somewhere
• MHD- a better, more engrossing and totally reality show-free branch of MTV that features the best concerts, specials and original programs from the MTV family of nets
• The 4 networks- what good is HD if you can't watch stuff like The Office, American Karaoke and March Madness in high def? Answer- still great, but not as great

Coming to the list soon: HBO HD- with new seasons of The Sopranos & Entourage bowing in April, this channel will certainly be climbing into the rotation

*Best HD-only Shows:

• Hardwood Heavens (HDNet)- examines some of college hoops' most hallowed grounds, such as the Carrier Dome, Assembly Hall and Rupp Arena; a perfect appetizer for March Madness entrees
• $2 Bill (MOD)- concerts with some of today's hottest artists like My Chem, Yellowcard, Fat Joe and Kanye West
• Nothing But Trailers (inHD)- the title says it all; this show is a blessing for cinephiles everywhere
• Life & Rhymes of:(MOD)- think "MTV Unplugged" with the heavyweights of hip hop such as Ludacris, Mary J., Fiddy, and Snoop
• Andy Richter Controls the Universe; Greg the Bunny; Arrested Development (HD Net)- in other words, HD Net is the land where cult classics go after the nets prematurely cancel them

*Best things to watch in HD:

• Hockey- all I gotta say is "ice, ice baby"
• Golf- how green is your plasma?
• Nature- anything, anywhere, anytime
• Music- with the 5.1 surround kicking, it's like high def for the ears
• Video Games- pop some Gonzaga 'shrooms and enter your own version of "Tron"

*Best things about HD:

• the cool, R2-D2 noise the set makes when you turn it off & on
• watching sweat actually bead up & roll off of athletes' bald heads
• not having a 6,000-lb. entertainment center blotting out the sun in my living room (so '90s)
• being able to hook up components without trying to attempt positions only triple-jointed humans can achieve
• WATCHING EVERYTHING IN HIGH DEF & HEARING IT IN 5.1!

There you have it folks, a quick, all-encompassing guide to the HD world. Of course these are only my preliminary observations; I will have much more in the future, beginning on our Second Anniversary next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the next gazillion years...

I know, newlyweds are so sickening!

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3/14/07, HD-Day: a day that will live in infamy (for me)

The question has been lingering for days now: Where the hell is he?

Only 1 post since Friday (not counting the one I deleted) from a blog that normally cranks out 1-3 posts per day has had many friends, family members & loyal readers (what do you mean they are all one in the same?) frantically pondering the fate of the TBBostonian.

Fear not, my trusty followers, I am back to dispel the myths surrounding my disappearance and assure you that all is well here at the worldwide headquarters, although I was quite troubled to learn what some of my readers believed happened to me; some of the theories floating around included:

• I ditched my "normal" life to become a member of Sergio Garcia's globe-trotting mantourage
• I got nabbed, along with Gary Matthews, Evan(der) (Holy) Field(s) and John Rockhead in that Orlando/HGH bust
• I was secretly called to Los Angeles by Simon Cowell to take replace one of those tone-deaf, beat-boxin' lounge lizards on American Karoake

...or the best one I've heard yet...

• I had already jumped of the Skyway in anticipation of my bracket going up in a ball of flames by midnight Friday

Those were all very good guesses and I greatly appreciate your proposals of support, words of encouragement and generous offers of bail money, but there is a simple, glorious, crystal-clear reason for my extended absence:

I have joined the world of HIGH DEFINITION TELEVISION! (cue the trumpets)

That's right, all those nights kneeling beside my giant, mid-'90s-chic entertainment center and praying that my 36" CRT Sharp behemoth would be replaced by a sleek, slim HD-equipped beauty finally paid off as the TV fairy (a.k.a. my mom) heard my prayers and answered them in a big way. As in 40" Samsung LCD Widescreen monitor big.

Before I go forward into the fairy tale land that is high def television viewing, a.k.a. Man's Garden of Eden, let me backtrack to the events of the past four days and get everyone brought up to speed on what has transpired.

Sunday I attended the PODS Championship and watched world-class golfers like Sergio, Vijay Singh and Chris DiMarco get eaten alive by Innisbrook's unforgiving Copperhead course. Mark Calcavecchia was leading comfortably (3 strokes) late (3 holes to play), but he tried to choke the tourney away on the impossible-to-birdie Par 4 18th; he ended up winning despite bogeying 18 when Heath Slocum's 4-ft par putt hopped out of the cup. We promptly left the course, semi-staggering from a combo of too many Michelob Cool Cans and hours of walking the monstrous course in the warm Florida sunshine, and headed home to watch the selection special.

On the way back I received a call from my wife telling me I needed to drive about 30 minutes in the opposite direction to pick up the HD TV my mom had got us. I know my wife has never smoked crack so I just assumed I was hallucinating and told her I was almost home, we'd talk about it then.

Upon arriving at the homestead I realized that indeed my mother had been generous enough to reward all my years of juvenile delinquency and adult idiocy with a gift from above, as in the set was located in distant Port Richey, about an hour north of my area. Needless to say the next day I hopped in the ride and hightailed it up to the land of rebel flags and monster trucks to claim my new best friend. I then spent the next two days/nights disassembling my ginourmous cabinet and swapping TVs, a task that may have been a bit, shall we say ball-busting, but the end result made all the back-breaking work well worth it.

By 2:00 PM today the installer from Bright House had hooked up my HD DVR cable box and I was instantly transformed from a "has not" to a "has", from a "has-been" to "has been watching anything & everything in high def ever since."

So that's the reason why the gap in my postings. My computer has finished a distant second to my new TV set in the war of affection electronic devices wage with their testosterone-laced owners. But I promise I will get back on my schedule right away.

After I watch stuff like "Comet Collisions" on Discovery HD, "Into the Blue" on Showtime HD, and a gazillion hours of March Madness on CBS HD.

Can I get an amen?!

Thanks, mom!

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