Thursday, January 04, 2007

A dizzying day of pertinent stories

So I get back from the last supper with the in-laws before they head back to Cincy at the lavish Macaroni Grill (a chain in desperate need of a name change) and I click on my usual sites to get up-to-date with what's happening in the world (feel free to peruse my links list.)

I see story after story that catches my eye and causes me to click on the headline. Freaky things are happening in all corners of the sports and entertainment worlds- what the hell has been going on since I've been tied up in family land?- so I thought I'd better take note of them by category just to keep things straight as some of the events seem to be overlapping each other.

The list is pretty extensive, but since I've hardly posted this week I figured I have a lot of time to make up for.

Plus there are no bowl games tonight for the first time since around Thanksgiving.

Celebrity/Athlete Police Blotter
-Noted sportscaster and insufferable know-it-all Jim Lampley was arrested for domestic violence and violating a restraining order after tossing his girlfriend around her apartment Wednesday night.

The 57-year-old long-time HBO boxing announcer and voice of the Olympics has been accused of getting extremely drunk & high at girlfriend Candice Sanders' apartment and then becoming so enraged that her threw her around the place before speeding off with his 14-year-old son. Amazing.

This is the same guy who chastised listeners of Jim Rome's radio program of being too stupid to realize that the new millennium did not begin in 2000 but in 2001 and who always comes off as an uppity, smarmy, condescending cad.

Guess he's just a raging alcoholic pothead like the rest of the clones.

-Denver police locate vehicle thought to be used in Darrent Williams' shooting death
Four days after the Denver Broncos cornerback was gunned down in his limo on a busy Denver street the police have found the SUV believed to be involved in the incident.

The 1998 Chevy Tahoe is reported to be owned by a man who was in jail at the time of the slaying, but obviously police are hoping he will know who was using his vehicle while he was incarcerated. The man is thought to have ties to powerful gangs, possibly the notorious Crips.

The SUV was parked on a street south of the Denver airport in a remote stretch of an industrial area. It had evidently been partially spray painted black to cover the natural white paint job in an obvious attempt to camouflage the sought-after vehicle for as long as possible.

Hopefully the discovery of the potential getaway car will lead police to some CSI-style clues that will allow the authorities to catch the dickheads who committed this senseless crime.

-Suspect caught in fatal stabbings at Chris Chelios' Detroit bar
In another wild story right out of the plot of a bad ESPN series two employees at Detroit Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios' bar were stabbed to death by a disgruntled former employee on Tuesday.

The 44-year old veteran of 22 NHL season co-owns the establishment, known as Chelli's Chili Bar, located right next to Comerica Park in downtown D-Town. The employees were in the building preparing for their work day when police say a 17-year-old former busboy came in and stabbed the manager, Megan Soroka and a cook, Mark Barnard, before fleeing.

Police say Justin Blackshere, who had been fired about 2 weeks ago, has confessed to the killings and also of robbing the safe. Chelios has said that he was on the phone with Cook, whom he called a dear friend and respected employee, when she had to hang up to investigate a disturbance.

This was just another senseless, tragic act that occurs in our world every day, but because this time it just happened to cross over into the high-profile world of sports it gets more recognition than the hundreds of other stories just like it.

Other recent high-profile arrestees include bloated rapper Busta Rhymes (busting up his driver in a dispute over money)...Detroit Lions offensive lineman Ross Verba (passing bad checks?!)...imbecilic rapist Mike Tyson (D.U.I.-N.C.-driving under the influence of nose candy) actor/model/nobody Tyrese was not arrested but could be shortly for punching his pregnant girlfriend in the arm and thigh Thursday morning...and this just in, Padres pitcher Jake Peavy was just busted at the Mobile, Al. airport for requesting that a police officer give him a ticket for illegally parking outside the terminal...

We now return to our regular programming.

Football News:
Another NFL coach on the way out- Cowher to step down after 15 seasons in Pittsburgh
I guess the Bus was right after all.

Steelers coach Bill Cowher will confirm Friday what retired Steeler great Jerome Bettis told everyone before this post-Super Bowl season began- that the coach known for his chin, spittle, and gritty attitude will step away from the Steel City after 15 years on the sidelines.

A news conference is scheduled for 1:00 pm but Cowher reportedly already informed his coaching staff of his decision to walk away from the NFL in order to spend more time with his family at their home in Raleigh, North Carolina.

After leading the Steelers to their first NFL championship since 1980 and compiling a record of 140-90-1 the disappointment and grind of trying to repeat as champion just got to be overbearing for the success-driven leader, who conceded that he thought about hanging it up right after the Bowl win.

This season the Steelers finished 8-8, only Cowher's 4th non-winning campaign during his tenure, and the team faced numerous on & off field distractions which played against them all year: the motorcycle accident and appendicitis of starting QB Ben Roethlisberger; the retirement of Bettis, the NFL's 5th all-time leading rusher, seriously hindered the run-dominant offense; injuries to key players like Hines Ward, Roethlisberger, and Troy Palumalu; and embarrassing losses to Jacksonville (9-0), Baltimore twice by a combined 58-7, and the lowly Raiders (20-13.)

Now the Steelers will be on the hunt for a coach for the first time in 15 years and they need only look in house, as assistants Russ Grimm and Ken Whisenhunt are already hot candidates to become head coaches elsewhere. Meanwhile The Chin will take a year off, "be with his family", i.e. do some TV to keep his name in the loop, then land a prime new gig a year from now, when the Coaching Carousel is sure to have a fresh round of casualties.

-Grossman tells reporters what everyone knew long ago: he went on the field unprepared to play
When Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman admitted on Thursday that he was "not giving 100%" while preparing to play Green Bay in the season finale because he knew he wasn't going to play much he may have been more prophetic than he thought.

His inattention to the task at hand-preparing for the playoffs and improving on his horrendous TD/INT ratio- resulted in an atrocious 2-12, 33 yard, 3 interception outing and may eventually lead to him being benched.

This clown had the nerve to say that because it was the last game, and New Years Eve, he wasn't as focused as he should have been for the contest that the Packers ended up winning 26-7. How can he not be focused? People in the Windy City have been screaming for his head on a platter after his umpteenth 3 interception game of the season and clamoring for backup Brian Griese to take the snaps as the starter and he can't get prepared to do his JOB because he's worried about watching the freaking ball drop?!

Hey I-N-T-Rex, get your head out of your ass before your team is bounced from the playoffs and you end up working in fellow Gator bust Danny Wuerffel's soup kitchen!

NBA News:
Heat coach Pat Riley to take "leave of absence" due to knee, hip injuries
It looks like Shaq isn't the only broken down old man on the Heat roster. Head coach Pat Riley informed the team and media yesterday that he will be taking an immediate & indefinite leave of absence to have surgery on his degenerative hip and knee but will rejoin the team whenever his rehab allows him to do so.

For now the defending champs will be coached by none other than Ron Rothstein, who was the first coach in the history of the franchise. But with the team in disarray, players being suspended (Antoine Walker has been benched for failure to meet conditioning goals-there's a shocker) and Wade & Shaq laboring with nagging injuries, why should the Hall of Fame coach even bother to come back?

After all, he got his way: he ousted Stan not the man Van Gumby in the middle of the season last year and got credited for his 5th NBA title, now he can rest his hip & knee sipping limoncellos on South Beach while the team sinks back into South Florida obscurity with the Marlins & Dolphins. Brilliant!

-Jordan's wife files for divorce again- but this time, she means it
His Airness and his Mrs. are getting divorced after 17 years of marriage presumably because of MJ's proclivity for his mistresses.

A week after reports circulated that Jordan was trying to sway some luscious honey to come to a party for Derek Jeter while he was dining in New York with Charles Oakley Juanita called it quits for good. The couple had previously split up in 2002 but Juanita withdrew that request (cha-ching!) Jordan also had a long term relationship with another woman disclosed when the woman sued him for paternity.

I mean how many years of putting up with an adulterer can a woman take before the money becomes just not good enough?

Evidently the answer to that question is 17.

Baseball Hot Stove Update:
The Unit set to take his dirty 'do and nasty 'tude back to the desert of Arizona
The New York Stankees are about to send disgruntled human and freakish pitcher Randy Johnson back to where he came from- no, not the planet Uranus, the Arizona Diamondbacks.

The mating of a 6'11" asshole with a city that hates dickheads unless they are members of the family was a match made in hell, beginning with Unit's infamous "get away from me" tirade against a reporter on the street as he was heading to his first Stankee press conference and ending with his failure to win even one big game for the pinstripes. Johnson finished an unspectacular 34-19 regular season record in the Bronx, but it was his 0-1, 6.92 mark in three postseason appearances that left a bad taste in the fans' mouths.

The move paves the way for Roidger Clemens to return to New York to be with his BFF Andy Pettitte, but let's face it, the reason Randy was let go was because he didn't do what former running mate Curt Schilling did for the hated Red Sox- bring a world championship with him.

Former Sox get new homes
On the same front Doug Ball Stealer Mientkiewicz signed a one-year deal to join the Evil Empire; if that's not a match made in heaven I don't know what is: the man who tried to steal the baseball from the final out of the 2004 Series and whom all of Red Sox Nation hates joining the team we all LOVE to hate.

Wonder if he'll locker next to Judas Demon?

Other former Sox to sign elsewhere include second baseman Mark Can't Buy Me love Loretta who will agree to a deal with the Astros, and Keith the Burger King Foulke, who signed a one-year deal with the Indians for $5 million.

Two things of note here: why Loretta can't seem to find a home when two years ago he was considered one of the best second sackers in the game is a mystery worthy of a Court TV special; and how can a washed up, broken down loser like Foulke get a deal for that much money from an organization with playoff aspirations?

Oh yeah, Fausto Carmona.

That's all I got. I'm gonna go buy a police scanner ao I can keep up on the rest of the stories.

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