Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Golden Globes Wrap up

This being a sports & entertainment blog (it says so right in the subheading) I am obligated to post on last night's 64th annual Golden Globes Awards ceremony, otherwise known as the Baby Oscars.

My wife and I are avid award show watchers and this being the first of the season (last week's sad People's Choice Awards doesn't count) we dug in and prepared for a night of gorgeous gowns, good-looking guys and goofy gaffes.

She loves to watch these glorified dog & pony shows for the dresses, hairstyles, and tuxedoed hot-hot-hotties and I enjoy watching for the plunging neck & backlines, fake applause from dejected losers and the inevitable controversial/awkward moments.

Though last night's edition was perilously lacking in the entertainment factor there were plenty of surprise winners & losers, enough to compile some Top 5 lists in a number of categories.

Hot Hot Hotties, Male (from the wife):
5.) Justin Timberlake
A shaved head and a suit- this guy is so obviously copying my Christmas party look
4.) Ben Affleck
He's come a long way from the T-shirt & Red Sox ball cap look of his Beantown days
3.) (Markie) Mark Wahlberg
He's come a long way from the ripped abs and Calvin Klein underwear look of his Beantown days
2.) Patrick Dempsey
I still remember "Dr. McDreamy" as the goofy-looking star of such pre-pubescent teen schlock as "Loverboy", "Can't Buy Me Love" and as the immortal Woo Woo Kid of "In the Mood."
1.) Brad Pitt
Okay so the guy looks good in a suit but did my wife need to nearly knock me over running into the living room to see him on the Red Carpet?
Special mention: Alec Baldwin, Michael C. "Dexter" Hall, Terrence Howard

Hot Hot Hotties, Female:
5.) Jennifer Hudson/America Ferrera
It's nice to see beautiful & talented actresses who aren't dental-floss thin (pay attention Kate Bosworth, Katie Holmes, et. al.)
4.) Beyonce
She may have made some of the worst dressed lists for her shimmering golden gown, and the wife decried her sprayed-on enhancement but I thought she looked as hot as Suzanne Sommers' Malibu home
3.) Penelope Cruz
Between her & Salma they are giving other Spanish/Mexican actresses an awfully high bar to shoot for
2.) Salma Hayek
The wife thought she looked terrible. Ah, women.
1.) Jessica Biel
As I said last night, she's like the sun- you can't stare at her too long because your eyes will burn she is so hot. Damn her for dating Jeter!
Special mention: Eva Longoria, Emily Blunt, Reese Witherspoon

What Were They Thinking? Female
5.) Sienna Miller
I may not be a fashion expert but this Princess Leia meets the Swiss Miss 'do was simply god-awful.
4.) Vanessa Williams
Holy hideous hairdos Batman!
3.) Patricia Arquette
As one reviewer said "Medium? More like extra large"
2.) Jennifer Love Hewitt
Normally I love this buxom cutie no matter what she wears. Not this time.
1.) Cameron Diaz
"She's bringing ugly back (yeah!), bad dress bad hair, she don't know how to act (yeah!)..."

What Were They Thinking? Male
5.) Charlie Sheen
A lousy haircut, too-big suit and insistence that brother Emilio stand up and be recognized for Bobby; divorce is not "suiting" this party boy well
4.) Will Ferrell
For his sake I hope his 'Jewfro' was for an upcoming film
3.) Michael Bolton
Yes he finally cut the hair, but dude it's an awards show, wear a freaking tie will ya?!
2.) Prince
Looks like a getup for an extra at Disneyland
1.) Jeremy Irons
Did he just come from a movie set where he is playing a drunk swordswallower?

Funniest Moments:
5.) Hudson nearly tripping upon entering the stage to accept her award (there's always one tripper)
4.) Babel director Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu promising Governator Schwarzenneger that he had his "papers" backstage
3.) Hugh Laurie's acceptance speech
2.) Justin Timberlake's Prince imitation
1.) Sasha "Borat" Cohen's hilariously raunchy acceptance speech

Awkward Moments:
5.) Tom Hanks repeatedly saying that Warren Beatty has "balls"
4.) Justin Timberlake waiting for Prince to accept his award, only the diminutive one was stuck in LA traffic
3.) Eye candy/ditzy interviewer Maria Menounos' dissing America Ferrera not once but twice after winning her award
2.) Jeremy Piven's mom/date (?!) talking on the red carpet about him being in her womb
1.) Sasha "Borat" Cohen's hilariously raunchy acceptance speech

Biggest Winners:
5.) Hugh Laurie, Best Actor in a Drama Series
When you beat out Jack Bauer & Dr. McDreamy you've accomplished something
4.) Helen Mirren, Best Actress in a Drama
The queen of English actresses (sorry Dame Dench) all but locked up her Oscar for portraying Queen Elizabeth II in The Queen; she also won for playing Elizabeth I in HBO's Elizabeth I
3.) Alec Baldwin, Best Actor in a Comedy Series
Less than one full season of 30 Rock under his belt and Baldwin proved what SNL devotees already knew: he is a very gifted comedic actor
2.) Marty Scorcese, Best Director, Drama
His Globe may finally lead to his first Oscar win
1.) Dreamgirls
Wins for Best Picture (Comedy or Musical), Best Supporting Actress (Hudson) & Actor (Murphy); lookout, Oscars.

Surprise Winners:
5.) Eddie Murphy, Actor in a Musical or Comedy
From hookers and Spice (Girls) to a major award is nice
4.) Kyra Sedgwick, Best Actress in a Drama Series
Mrs. Kevin Bacon not only looked great but she beat out the likes of Edie Falco, Evangeline Lilly and Ellen Pompeo.
3.) Babel, Best Movie, Drama
This lightly-seen, complex, intertwining thriller beat out rumored Oscar fave The Departed
2.) Ugly Betty, Best Comedy Series
Over The Office, Entourage, Weeds and Desperate Housewives? C'mon, it may be cute and refreshing, but no way is this critic's darling better than those shows, which leads to...
1.) America Ferrera, Best Actress in a Comedy Series
Her shaky, tearful acceptance speech signalled that she was just as shocked as the rest of us

Biggest Snubs:
5.) Lost
The former "must-see" show was really nowhere to be seen on this night, except for Evangeline Lilly's odd dress
4.) Kiefer Sutherland for Best Actor, Drama series
I think Jack Bauer needs to send a team of special operatives to destroy Hugh "House" Laurie
3.) Steve Carell for Best Actor, Comedy Series
I love Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy but Carell is THE funniest man on TV.
2.) Leonardo DiCan't-win-o for Best Actor, Drama
The guy comprised 2/5 of the nominees (for "The Departed" & "Blood Diamond") and still got stoned by Forest Whittaker. I think it's his accents.
1.) The Office for best Comedy
When will everyone realize that this show is the Seinfeld of the new millennium?

By the way, any reason why a number of the male attendees decided to forgo shaving for this event? Is it because it wasn't the Oscars or because the Sonny Crockett 5 o'clock shadow look is back in style? Just curious? Because I counted at least 10 men with stubble or scruffy beards from Dempsey, Hugh Laurie and John Stamos to Will Smith , Josh Holloway and Jake Gyllenhaal. Evidently in 2007 hair on the chinny chin chin is in.

Before I go I must relate one bit of news that may be the best item to come from the Globes, before, during or after. The sight of Diddy being refused entrance to a post-show party while the woman of the night, Helen Mirren, whisked in without a hitch is f-ing priceless. I guess that's why Puff Diddly Daddy throws his own extravagant parties-he can't get into the other ones!


ounisiki said...

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The Groupster said...

I completely agree about Cameron THE MESS Diaz! What the hell was she thinking?!