Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Ogling the Scantily Clad Celebrities

I watched 1 awesome playoff game today (A's/Twins), one decent contest (Cards/Padres) and started watching another that I had no interest in whatsoever (Tigers/Stanks.)
So with the Tigers looking more like Tabby's in the Bronx, losing 5-0 in the 3rd, I wandered from the Sports Den to the living room, where my wife and son were watching that American TV phenomenon known as Dancing with the Stars.
Now I'll admit to watching parts of last season- the parts that included ultra-hottie Stacy She's got legs & she knows how to use them Kiebler. Which brings me to the title of my post, my name for this show. Because let's be real, does anyone really watch this crap for the dancing? Hells no! Let's be truthful here- the men watch it to ogle the scantily-clad beauties, both the 'professionals' and the amateurs, compete for the title of "Hottest Woman Wearing the Smallest Outfit & Sporting the Best Tan", while the gals watch it to ogle the buns & packages of tiny-but-buff studs like Drew Lachey, Joe Don't call me Joey Lawrence, and Mario Stole a Desperate Housewife away from Tony Parker Lopez. Am I off base here? I though not. No one gives a rat's ass if these leggy bimbos & sexy smurfs can perform the Waltz or Foxtrot or Paso Doble- we just want to see them shake their stuff and look as if they want to rip each other's clothes off right there in front of Tom Bergeron. Wouldn't that make for a great episode of Tom's America's Funniest Home Videos?
So I decided to do some research, comb through ABC's website for the show, and pick out some of my favorite moments. Then I captioned them to reflect what I, or everyone in America, was thinking at the time of the shot. Enjoy.

This actress stars
in my
9-year old's
television show,
making me feel
somewhat guilty for
ogling her.
But I looked it up-
she's actually 26 (whew!)

One-hit Wonder
Willa Ford
kickstarts her
new career

"You know

I could


have had


equipment manager

pack you away

for road trips"

"My husband is right over there,

so watch where you put

those hands, Dr. Dorkenstein.

Okay, right there's fine"

"Save a horse,

ride a cowboy,

break up

a marriage..."

Is it just me
or does
look like
he's at a
strip club?

Could you

please wear

a little less
clothing next time?

Thank you.


I still

travel a lot

on NFL business,

I'm sure Smitty

wouldn't mind

helpin' a brother

out, ya know?

No comments: