MLB PLAYOFFS: DAY 3 PREVIEW

DETROIT @ EVIL EMPIRE (1-0), 1PM ESPN

Wouldn't you know it, that seemingly harmless little rain delay/postponement last night of Game 2 at Stankee Stadium has a little controversy brewing behind it. Smokey Jim Leyland and Tiger starter Justin Verlander were none too happy about the way MLB, and/or the Stanks, treated the rain out situation; after a near 2 hour delay the Tigers were told that they would get the game underway at 10:00. Verlander went out to the outfield to warm up, and other Tigers took the field as the tarp was removed. But a funny thing happened on the way to "play ball"- the league decided to call the game due to the fact that heavy rains were expected later, although it wasn't even raining at the time. The entire night it hardly rained at all.

So why was Verlander warming up when Stankee starter Mike Mousse-ina was probably in the clubhouse ripping into an attendant for not having his shoes polished right? Nobody knows. Just one of those 'quirky' things that happen to opposing clubs when they visit that quaint staduim in the heart of the Bronx. It's called TEAMS GET SCREWED.

GAME 2 Prediction: a pissed-off Verlander (17-9) comes out guns blazin' and strikes out every member of the Murder's Row '06 lineup through 3 innings. Unfortunately his already tired arm falls off on the mound, Smokey is forced to go to his pen, and the Empire smacks 14 consecutive hits, including back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back homers by Abreu, Giambi, Sheff, ERod and Matsui and win the game 17-4.

ST. LOUIS (1-0) @ SAN DIEGO, 4P, ESPN

The Padres need this one badly, because they MOST DEFINITELY do not want to go back to rabid St. Louie down 2-0. So it's a good thing they have Mr. Playoffs, Boomer Wells, pitching for them (Padre fans send your thank you cards to Mr. Epstein, Theo.) The only thing Boomer does better than eat is...well drink. But the thing he does almost as good as those two things is pitch well in the playoffs: Wells is 10-4 with a 3.15 ERA in 120 playoff innings, including his memorable '98 postseason with the Stanks, when he went 4-0. In other words, on a staff filled with green youngsters and washed-up veterans, Boomer gives the Pads their best shot at heading to St.L tied up at one. Plus the Cards have Jeff Weaver (8-14, 5.76) going for them.

Remember, Boomer- pitch around Albert. All the time.

"Dude, you're totally wasting that!"

Game 2 Prediction: Boomer goes out and gives another herculean effort, pitching 7 scoreless innings and leaving with the lead, 2-0 because he walked Pujols 3 times. But the bully breaks down again, as both Cla Meredith and Trevor Hoffman, who have both been victimized by Phat Albert in the recently, give up jacks to him in the 8th and 9th and the Cards win 6-2. If only Boomer was still pitching drunk!

Kidding. Pads win, 3-2 and even it up.

IF THEY DON"T PITCH TO ALBERT!

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MLB Playoff Wrap: Day 2

There were only 2 games today because the Stankees destruction of the Tigers was postponed by rain for a day; they'll make it up tomorrow at 1P on ESPN.
But in each of the 2 games that did take place, OAK v. MIN, LAD v. NYM, a rare & spectacular play occurred that makes baseball the greatest sport there is- nothing matches the drama, excitement and heartache of big plays, both good & bad, in a postseason game.

A's take commanding 2-0 lead on Twins
He thought he had it. And if Torii Hunter thinks he's got a ball, then Torii Hunter is going to go after that ball. And 99.9% of the time Torii Hunter is going to run down the ball, usually resulting in an incredible, gravity-defying catch. Unfortunately the 6th inning of the Twins playoff game vs. Oakland was one of those times the odds caught up with Torii.

After the Twins had fought to tie the game at 2 in the 6th on back-to-back-jacks by Cuddyer & Morneau, the A's had a man on 1st and 2 outs when Mark Kotsay stepped to the plate. Kotsay, a superior defensive outfielder not known for his speed, sliced a liner to right center that tailed away from Hunter. In a split second, Torii made the decision to lay out for the ball and attempt a difficult diving catch; for what reason no one is quite sure. There were already 2 outs, and the man at 1st, catcher Jason Kendall, was only going to advance as far as 2nd if the ball dropped in front of Hunter. But Torii is just what his name indicates- a hunter. He hunts balls down and plucks them out of midair like catching butterflies in a net. He has delivered so many highlight reel catches in his career a loop of them would be longer than Pearl Harbor. If he thought he could get to that ball he was going to try to get it. Not take the safe play and pull up, letting the ball drop for a harmless single, but make a Torii Hunter-like play, which would have been spectacular, but not affected the game as much as him missing it did.

Because the result of his miscue, as the ball dipped under his glove and proceeded to roll all the way to the outfield wall, was Kendall & Kotsay circling the bases like mice on a treadmill, and when the smoke cleared Kotsay had an inside-the-park homer, the A's led the game 4-2, and for all intents and purposes the series was over. Well, not over, but definitely on life support. To his credit, Hunter took all the blame and said he felt like less than a man because of his gaffe. But also to his credit, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire stated that he would never question Torii's decision to go after a ball: "When he goes after a ball, I don't second-guess him. Ever."

You live by the sword, you die by the sword. Unfortunately for Torii & the Twins, they may have fallen on theirs today.

Dodgers doubled-up and knocked out, 6-5

What, so you think a little 'missed diving catch resulting in a 2-run inside-the-park home run' makes for exciting playoff action? Well so did I, but that was before the Dodgers and Mets contributed a wild play that will go down in postseason history.

With no score and runners on 1st & 2nd in the top of the second, Dodger catcher Russell Martin hit a liner to the right field wall that Shawn Green could not catch up to. But for some reason Jeff the jerk Kent hesitated at second base, thinking the ball might be caught (it was a good 10 feet away from Green.) Kent paused and then took off, running like a wild man through the third base bag and hell-bent for home plate, but his stubby legs could barely get out of their own way-Dodger RF JD Drew was coming right up his back at full bore as well. Green relayed to Jose Valentin who relayed to C Paul LoDuca, who grabbed the ball and applied the tag on a diving Kent. As Paulie got up to survey the field, he turned and saw Drew trying to sneak in at the plate and applied the tag to him as well. Two outs at home plate on one play- never been done before in the history of playoff baseball. Needless to say the Dodgers were a little shell shocked after making that kind of history.

Although they still put up a fight after that. Martin scored in the inning to put LA up 1-0 (could have been 2 or 3 though), but the Mets, behind rookie pitcher John Maine, came right back to score 2 in the 4th on homers by Carlos Delagdo & Cliff Floyd off of D-Lowe. When they tacked on 2 more in the 6th on a 2-run single by David Wright, playing in his 1st postseason game, it looked like that was all she wrote. But the never-say-die Dodgers clawed right back and tied it on a 2-run double by my boy Nomah in the 7th. Kent then struck out swinging.

But the Mets were not to be denied today, especially with Sling Blade Little calling the shots regarding the bullpen. For some reason he chose to bring in probable Game 2 starter Brad Penney in the bottom of the 7th of a tie game. Brilliant move, Chicken Little; Penny floundered in the unexpected role. Phenom Jose Reyes led off with a walk, stole 2nd, and scored on a Delgado (4-5 in his first playoff game after 14 years and 1711 games) single, Wright followed with another ribbie, the game was technically over and the Mets 'stole one' at home.

Well, actually, they stole stole 2.

There's a corny cliche that's very true at this time of year: big players make big plays in big games. I have a variation on that theme that's a tad less cheesy: Great players & big plays make for memorable games. So far this postseason we've seen some great players (Jeter, Big Hurt, Phat Albert, Zito, Cy-Tana, Delgado) and some great plays (both of the above mentioned playoff classics), and it sure has made for some great games.

And it's only Day 2.

I Live For This.

(Even if the Sox aren't in it)

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MLB WRAP:Playoff Day 1

A lot of familiar things happened on Day 1 of the playoff, and those things helped the A's, Cardinals ans Stankees take 1-game leads in their best-of-5 Division Series.

A's put Big Hurt on Twins, Santana

The reports of Frank Thomas' demise have been greatly exaggerated. The artist formerly known as The Big Hurt lived up to that moniker in a big way yesterday asd he smashed 2 (and nearly 3) home runs in the A's 3-2 victory over Minnesota. Santana, the likely Cy Young winner, lost his 1st game at the Metrodome all season, and Big Hurt was the big reason. Thomas smacked a solo shot in the second, quieting the raucous crowd, and the A's scored another on a 2-out double by Marco (Polo) Scutaro; Thomas nearly curled another almost identical shot around the rightfield fair pole in the 4th. After Minny's Rondell Ageless Wonder White launched a solo shot to cut it to 2-1, for some reason Gardenhire took Santana out after 8. That's when reliever Jessee Crain blew the game, allowing another solo shot to Thomas, and when Minny scratched a run in the 9th, that last bomb proved to be the game winner.

Zito took the win with a terrific performance, and now that Cy-tana has lost, the Twins will have to rely on Tampa's own Boof Bonser to draw them even today. Good luck, Boof, and just one thing- don't get Hurt.

Padres: Anybody but Albert

As I said in my playoff preview, the only way St. Louis wins this series is to wait for Alber Pujols to win each game for them. Well Phat Albert did not waste any time, as his 2-run bomb off Padre ace Jake Peavey in the 4th turned out to be all Cardinal ace Chris Carpenter would need to take Game 1 in San Diego. Pujols nearly fouled out in the lengthy at bat, but Piazza couldn't snag his popper that nicked the screen behind the plate. That second life was all Albert needed as he then took a Peavey fastball right over the plate and deposited it in the rightfield bleachers for another momentous postseason HR (he now has 11 in his brief career.) The Pads tried to claw back, but when St. Louis tacked on a couple more to go up 5-0 after 5 1/2, it was over. The Pads will now turn to Boomer Wells to even it up. Hint, Boomer: Pitch around Albert.

Jeter (5-5) shows why he's the best

See ERod, all you have to do is go 5-5, put your team on your back, and single-handedly lead the Stanks to some playoff success and you'll be a hero on the Big Apple. Jeter does it every season, and that's why he is the king and ERod is still a peasant in New York. The new Murder's Row battered Detroit starter Nate Robertson for 12 hits & 7 runs in 5 2/3, and Jeter was the main catalyst. He had 2 doubles, 2 singles & 1 HR as the Stanks unleashed an awesome lineup that saw former MVP Rodriguez batting 6th- jeez.

Judas Demon went 2-5 with 2 runs scored, mid-season acquisition Bobby Abreu went 2-5 with 4 RBI and the Stanks hit machine cranked out 14 hits in their 8-4 victory over the out-classed Tigers. Get those ciggy ready, Leyland, cause there is plenty more where that came from.

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Ogling the Scantily Clad Celebrities

I watched 1 awesome playoff game today (A's/Twins), one decent contest (Cards/Padres) and started watching another that I had no interest in whatsoever (Tigers/Stanks.)
So with the Tigers looking more like Tabby's in the Bronx, losing 5-0 in the 3rd, I wandered from the Sports Den to the living room, where my wife and son were watching that American TV phenomenon known as Dancing with the Stars.
Now I'll admit to watching parts of last season- the parts that included ultra-hottie Stacy She's got legs & she knows how to use them Kiebler. Which brings me to the title of my post, my name for this show. Because let's be real, does anyone really watch this crap for the dancing? Hells no! Let's be truthful here- the men watch it to ogle the scantily-clad beauties, both the 'professionals' and the amateurs, compete for the title of "Hottest Woman Wearing the Smallest Outfit & Sporting the Best Tan", while the gals watch it to ogle the buns & packages of tiny-but-buff studs like Drew Lachey, Joe Don't call me Joey Lawrence, and Mario Stole a Desperate Housewife away from Tony Parker Lopez. Am I off base here? I though not. No one gives a rat's ass if these leggy bimbos & sexy smurfs can perform the Waltz or Foxtrot or Paso Doble- we just want to see them shake their stuff and look as if they want to rip each other's clothes off right there in front of Tom Bergeron. Wouldn't that make for a great episode of Tom's America's Funniest Home Videos?
So I decided to do some research, comb through ABC's website for the show, and pick out some of my favorite moments. Then I captioned them to reflect what I, or everyone in America, was thinking at the time of the shot. Enjoy.

This actress stars

in my

9-year old's

television show,

making me feel

somewhat guilty for

ogling her.

But I looked it up-

she's actually 26 (whew!)

One-hit Wonder

Willa Ford

kickstarts her

new career

"You know

I could

easily

have had

the

equipment manager

pack you away

for road trips"

"My husband is right over there,

so watch where you put

those hands, Dr. Dorkenstein.

Okay, right there's fine"

"Save a horse,

ride a cowboy,

break up

a marriage..."

Is it just me

or does

MSNBC's

Tucker

Carlson

look like

he's at a

strip club?

Could you

please wear

a little less

clothing next time?

Thank you.

Seriously,

I still

travel a lot

on NFL business,

I'm sure Smitty

wouldn't mind

helpin' a brother

out, ya know?

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NFL Week 4 Review

We've reached the 1/4 mark of the 2006 season, so now we should have a really good idea of what teams have a good shot at the playoffs (Bears, Colts, Ravens, Pats), and which ones are so bad that they can already start making vacation plans for January (Raiders, Dolphins, Lions, Bucs.)
What else is happening around the League? Let's use the old Clint Eastwood theorem:

THE GOOD:

The Patriots are back on top of the world
The Pats are back on the list of Super Bowl contenders after their 38-13 pasting of the over-confident Bengals. How is this good? Well all of Patriot Nation can go back to gloating about how we have the best team, and the rest of you can go back to hating Patriot Fan and wishing that Tommmy Boy snaps an appendage, crushing our hopes; you know, reminiscent of that magical era, 2001-2004. Now I'm not meaning to slam the Bengals and their great fans; after all, my wife is from Cincy and her entire family are Bengal fans, and I certainly would not want to root against the family. But John, Betsy, Mom, Dad & everyone: Na na na na na! Ha ha, you guys lost. Your team stinks, my team beat yours. We're number 1. How'd that loss taste? Like Montgomery Inn barbeque I hope! Maybe next time, suckers!

See, I handled that maturely.

Washington beats Jax'ville 36-30 in OT
Probably the game of the day, excitement wise (at least because it was on my TV.) The Redskins proved that their win over lowly Houston last week, in which QB Mark Brunnel set an NFL record for consecutive completions, was no fluke. This time Brunnel was going up against his former team for the first time, the Jags, who have one of the nastiest defenses in the league. So what happened? Shaking off a badly cut elbow, Brunnel lit up his old mates to the tune of 18-30, 329 yds & 3 TDs. All 3 touchdowns were to scintillating Santana Moss, who is beginning to resemble the electric playmaker from 'Da U' that The Skins were hoping he would be when they acquired him from the Jets before last season. Moss made 3 spectacular plays on the TDs: in the 1st quarter(55 yd-er), opening the 4th (8 yd-er) and the game winner in OT (a 68-yd work of art.) Fellow Miami alum Clinton Portis ran for 112 yards and 1 score, and the Skins proved they are an offensive force against a stingy defense. The rest of the NFC East-beware.

THE BAD:

Bad Albert suspended 5 games
Titans Defensive End Albert Haynesworth was suspended for 5 games after stomping on the un-helmeted cranium of Cowboys center Andre Gurode. Although Bad Albert did express remorse and apologized afterwards, it was a gutless, classless, borderline criminal act that was deserved of the longest suspension in NFL history. Gurode received 30 stitches, is consulting with a plastic surgeon, and has not ruled out criminal or civil cases being sought. He also says he should be able to play next week against the Eagles. But the damage to Haynesworth's career may be irreparable.

Bengal S Kevin Kaesviharn should be suspended, too

In that Patriot/Bengal beatdown there was another classless act that hopefully will not go unnoticed by the NFL's justice department. Cincy safety Kevin Kaesviharn laid out Patriot wide receiver Reche Caldwell with a helmet-to-helmet strike in the 3rd quarter that left Caldwell sprwaled on the turf and, after the 15 yards were marched off, set up Lawrence Maroney's 25- yd TD. Many experts, including ESPN's Tom Jackson and even Tedy Bruschi have stated that they don't believe the hit was dirty or illeagal. I got 3 words for you guys: watch the tape. Kaesviharn led with his helmet and propelled himself, missile-like, into Caldwell's helmet at full speed. If that had been a QB he hit, he would be staring at a lengthy suspension no doubt about it; so why is it okay to hit a receiver like that? Watch your back, Kevin. Payback's a bitch.

THE UGLY:

Dolphins disgust fans with terrible loss to Texans
Does it get any worse than this for Dolphins fans? Losing to a Texan team that has one of the worst records in the NFL over the past 4 years (18-46) and that was win less this season under first year head coach Gary Kubiak. So what happened? The Fins played mind-numbingly awful football against a mind-numbingly awful Texan team, and the result was a 17-15 loss that basically ended all hopes of a Championship coming back to South Beach. Free agent signee QB Daunte Culpepper was terrible again (23-39, 245, 1 TD) as the immobile object was sacked 5 times (21 on the year) by a team that had only recorded 3 sacks all season. Even disappointing rookie, No. 1 overall pick Mario Williams had has first career sack against Frankenpepper. How's the hot seat, Colonel Saban? Maybe you can jump back to college and move across town and coach the 'Canes.

Just Hide, Baby: Raiders lose at home to Browns
In the words of Scooter Rizzuto & Harry Carry "Holy cow!" Can it be this bad out there by the Bay? How on earth can a team that has so much talent (Moss, Porter, Jordan, Gallery, Janikowski, Sapp-uh, never mind that last one) lose to a team quarterbacked by Charlie Freakin' Frey? I guess because the Silver & Black have had to resort to using Andrew Walter as their QB after free agent bust Aaron Brooks got hurt. Throw in the fact that WR Jerry Porter has been disgruntled and attempting to submarine the team and new/old Coach Art Shell all year, Randy Moss has claimed the place is crazy, and guys like Sapp and Gallery have not played up to their potential, and you have the makings of an awful football team. Trouble is, it's going to get even worse before it gets better. Good luck, Art- you wanted back to the Black Hole, you got it. But congrats to Cleveland coach Romeo Crennel, the former Pats coordinator who has the Browns headed in the right direction. He could be next years' Lovie Smith.

RECORDS & MILESTONES:

Pats win 53rd straight after a loss
One of the most impressive streaks in the game is this stunner: the Patriots have not lost back-to-back games since 2002, second longest streak in league history. So all those fools who went against them (ah, including yours truly) should have kept that stat in mind and realized that there was now way that New England was going to lose to Cincy. It just wasn't meant to be.

Mushin Muhammad coverts 54th straight 3rd down
The only stat that comes close to the one above is this one: Bears WR Mushin Moose Muhammad converted his 54th consecutive 3rd down reception for a 1st down. My question is, why do the Bears look to anyone else for the conversion? In their 37-6 drubbing of NFC Champion Seattle, Bears QB Rex Grossman failed to convert 3rd down passes to Bernard Berrian, Thomas Jones, and Mark Bradley. Why? Why look for anyone else when you've got a possession receiver who, in the words of Double Down Trent, is so damn money?!

BEST BOWL BETS:

AFC:

New England (3-1)
With 3 winnable games (MIA, @BUF,@MIN) before facing Indy on Sunday Night Football Nov. 9th the Pats are back in the driver's seat for the East title.

Indianapolis (4-0)
The Colts won a squeaker, 31-28, in the Meadowlands, but they still seem off-kilter from the loss of Edge James, although they did gain 160 on the ground. Pats/Colts, Nov 9th, NBC SNF. Be there, aloha.

Ravens (4-0)
They won't make any NFL highlight films, but their punishing defense, led by Ray Lew & Ed Reed, and opportunistic offense, under the rejuvenated Air McNair do just enough to win; perfect formula for a Super Bowl run.

Bengals (3-1)
Despite the complete & total ass-kicking they suffered at the hands of the Pats, this squad is still one of the best in the AFC. With a bye next week, then another one after that (@ the Bucs), they should rebound real quick.

Jaguars (2-2)
Disappointing that they allowed 36 pts to the Skins, almost as many as they had allowed in their 3 previous games combined, but that D is good and Leftwich is becoming a very clutch QB. They'll be there in the end when the dust settles in the AFC.

NFC:

Da Bears (4-0)
After dismantling the Seahawks 37-6 Sunday night in front of a national audience no one can deny that Lovie Smith's boys are currently the cream of the conference. We knew they had the defense, but 37 points on offense? Rex the WonderGator strikes again.

Saints (3-1)
I'm not going against America's team as long as they keep playing hard, like they did in Sunday's close loss to Carolina, and as long as they have the Bucs at home this week. Look for Reggie Bush to have his breakout game in that one. Can you say 4-1?

Falcons (3-1)
I can't put them ahead of the Saints, who crushed them in their homecoming game, but this Falcon offense is SCARY. They are running all over everyone, and on top of that CB Deion-Angelo Hall (3rd pick in win ov. St.L) is emerging as the top DB in the league.

Eagles (3-1)
Now that Donovan McNabb has rid himself of that 225-lb. migraine he looks like the Don of old-last night he ran for 2 scores as well as tossed a pair in Philly's burial of Green Bay, 31-9. But with the perennially injured RB Brian Westbrook hurt again, Philly may suffer.

Seahawks (3-1)
Sure they looked rancid in their loss to the Bears. But as I said earlier Sunday, that was not the team to get healthy against. As long as Deion Branch works his way into the offense and Shaun Alexander comes back in a few weeks, the Hawks will be okay.

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MLB PLAYOFF PREVIEW

Time to take a break from all the football coverage (I'm starting to envision everything covered in pigskin) to give my preview of the Major League Baseball Playoffs. I'm doing this despite the fact that my beloved Sawx are not involved in the postseason this year.

I know, it's a shock to me too.
But nevertheless, the show must go on and us impartial writers must cover it. Even if it sucks out loud that my team isn't in it.

AMERICAN LEAGUE

DIVISION SERIES

Detroit (95-67) vs. New York (97-65)

Did anyone get the name of that truck? That's what Detroit manager Smokey Jim Leyland and his Tiger team must be saying today after the Minnesota Twins ran them down and trampled them like roadkill in the second half of the season. While the Twinks ripped off a 72-37 stretch from June 1st until the final day, Detroit slumped so badly in the last 2 months (24-32) that the Motion Picture Association felt sorry for them. The Tigers' lead in the Central was 5.5 games on Sep. 1st, but after they choked all 3 games in the final weekend series at home to the Royals they blew the division crown and had to settle for the Wild Card and a trip to the Bronx. Yippee.

Game 1 (TUE 8P, FOX) features new Stankee ace Chien Mieng Wang (19-6, 3.63) against Tiger southpaw Nate Robertson (13-13, 3.84.) Both are inexperienced playoff-wise, although Wang did have one start in last year's ALDS. But this year Wang has been dominant with his hard sinker that induces plenty of ground balls and his 11-3 record at the Stadium made him a logical pick to start the opener over Mousse-ina and Achy Braky Unit.

But this series is going to come down to experience. New York has plenty of it, along with craploads of talent, and the Tigers, aside from a few vets like Pudge-less Rodriguez and Cameraman Kenny Rogers, are new to the dance. I look for the 2006 version of Murderer's Row (Sheff's back, ERod batting 6th & Cano 9th?!-c'mon) to bludgeon the still-shell shocked Tiger staff into submission, and by the end of the 3rd game Leyland will be smoking so many Camel unfiltereds you'll think he's promoting "Thank You For Smoking."

MY PICK: Stanks in 3

Oakland (93-69) vs. Minnesota (96-66)

How appropriate is this series? Hmm, what should we call it? How 'bout 'The Small Market Bowl' or 'Moneyball meets the Metrodomers'? No? I know, let's label it the 'Limited Budget & Team Cohesiveness Winning Template.' Because that's the strategy that got these 2 "small market" clubs into the postseason. Neither team spends a ton of money (OAK: $62.3 million, MIN: $ 63.8 mil), packs in a ton of fans (the A's have decided to keep their upper deck closed for the playoffs, therefore limiting ticket sales to 36,000. Imagine this happening in Boston. I know, impossible), or has a lot of public support nationwide. Perhaps because one team plays on the West Coast, or Mordor, media-wise and the other plays in, well, Minnesota; there is no Twins Nation that I know of. But the funny thing is that these two teams play great baseball, have exciting players both at the plate and on the mound, and this will probably be the most entertaining of the 4 series.

The Game 1 (TUE 1P EST, ESPN) matchup, Oakland's Barry Zito (16-10, 3.83) vs. Johan Cy-tana (19-6, 2.77, 245 Ks) is one to set the DVR for if you are unfortunate enough to have to work. Zito bounced back this year after 3 subpar seasons following his 2002 Cy Young award-winning campaign, and he has one of the filthiest curves in the game. He's a big game pitcher who can overpower hitters with that yakker, and he'll have his hands full with AL batting champ Joe Mauer (.347) and MVP candidate Justin Morneau (.321, 34HRs, 130RBI.) But on the other side you have 2004 Cy winner Santana, who is just plain filthy all the time and can overpower hitters with a variety of pitches. He'll have to face Oakland's potent duo of Frank Thomas, who after hitting 39 homers with 114 RBI earned back his nickname Big Hurt, and surprise slugger 1B Nick Swisher (35 & 95). But this series won't be decided after Game 1. If the Twins still had Rookie of the Year candidate Francisco Liriano to go in Game 2, it might have been over by then. But as it stands, this one should go the distance. And it should be a ton fun.

MY PICK: Twins in 5

NATIONAL LEAGUE

DIVISION SERIES

St. Louis (83-78) vs. San Diego (88-74)

Thanks to a Tigers-esque gag job in the final month of the season (11-17), especially the last half when they lost 7 in a row and went 4-10, the Cards now get to start the playoffs in beautiful San Diego. Not a lot of red out there, just plenty of sandy browns, bright oranges and cool yellows, you know, laid-back San Diego, man. In other words night & day from the rabid red Cardinal Crazies in the Nation's heartland, where it looked like for most of the second half that St. Louis would open their title run. Padre fans can get pretty fired up, too, but not to the intensity level of Cards fans in the new Busch. And only when they run out of fish tacos at PETCO.

So St. Louis will have to get past the fact that they blew home field and played horrid baseball down the stretch and just do what they do best: rely on Albert Pujols to win every game for them. Cause let's face it, Cardinal nation, that's all you got. Edmonds is breaking down more than the Mid East peace talks, Scott Rolen is one play away from a torn chest muscle or some other grisly injury, and your pitching staff after Game 1 (TUE, 4P, ESPN) starter Chris Carpenter is thinner than Nicole Ritchie.

The Birds can take some comfort in the fact that Phat Albert just took Padre lights-out reliever Cla Meredith deep for a 3-run bomb that ended their 7 game skid last Wednesday. But the Pads come into this one riding high after finishing on a 10-3 run and winning the West on the last day of the season, and they are going to ride those good vibrations right into the NLCS. Plus the Padres are Red Sox West, NoCal version (Roberts, Embree, Bellie, Walker,Williamson, Meredith, Bard, El Seanez!); San Diego will stay classy.

MY PICK: Padres in 4

LA Dodgers (88-74 vs.NY Mets (97-65)

The Dodgers went on a thrill-ride in the final week 1/2 of the season, finishing 10-1 including a couple of memorable, walk-off wins. Derek Lowe (16-8) won 2 of those games, valuable playoff chip Greg Maddux won 2 also, and even Devil Ray castoff Mark Hendrikson got a victory during the streak. That win was in a wild 19-11 affair at Coors last Thursday, when rookie 1B James Loney slugged 9RBI subbing for Comeback Player of the Year shoo-in Nomar Garciaparra. That game came just 10 days after an even crazier LA victory, 11-10 over Pittsburgh. In that one the Dodgers belted 4 consecutive homers in the 9th inning to tie the game, and then after allowing a run in the top of the 10th, Nomah finished it with a walk-off 2-run job in the bottom of the inning. To put it mildly, even though they had to settle for the Wild Card on the final day, the Dodgers are one team that is very happy to be here.

Then you have the Metropolitans. They have been striken with more bad news than Anna Nicole Smith lately. First they learned that fragile ace Petey Martinez would miss the postseason, then half of next season, with a torn rotator cuff an injured calf. And next, well that's about it. But that's about as bad as it gets for a team that is paying Petey a boatload of money specifically to be their front of the rotation pitcher for a playoff series. Oops. Now the Mets will have to rely on Tom Glavine (15-7), Orlando Hernandez, Steve Traschel and John Maine. Wow. To contrast the Dodgers will have Lowe, Maddux (15 wins again), and madman Brad Penny (16-9.) Advantage Dodgers.

The Mets clinched so long ago I think Mel Gibson was still in demand and Tom Cruise had a studio contract. That fact always comes back to haunt in the pressure-cooker that is the post season. Without their conquering hero to fall back on, a lot will be expected of Glavine and those young Met stud hitters, David Wright and Jose Rich Man's Carl Crawford Reyes. But the Dodgers have been playing in a postseason atmosphere for nearly a month, and they are loaded playoff veterans (Lowe, Maddux, Nomah, Lofton, Furcal, Kent and even manager Sling Blade Little-well, discount that last one) and they are primed for upsetting the overpaid & overrated fat cats from the Big Apple. Plus the Dodgers are the Red Sox West, SoCal edition. Go Blue!

MY PICK: Dodgers in 5

Let the drama begin.

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Titans DE Haynesworth suspended 5 games

The big story stemming from yesterday action is the bush-league maneuver by Tennessee Titan defensive end Albert Haynesworth. During the Titans 45-14 loss to the Cowboys, Haynesworth was in on a play at the goal line when Cowboy running back Julius Jones scored on a 5-yd run. In the ensuing pile up, Cowboy center Andre Gurode found himself lying on the turf with his helmet off.

For reasons unexplainable, even by Haynesworth himself, Bad Albert decided to step on Gurode's head & face while he was in that defenseless position. Twice. Gurode was immediately seen grabbing his head and needed medical attention, and Haynesworth was issued a misconduct penalty and tossed from the game.

Today the commissioner's office handed down the punishment for this stupid and classless act: a 5 games suspension, the longest ever in the history of the NFL. Gurode ended up receiving 30 stitches to his head, and to his credit Haynesworth was contrite after the act: "I apologize to Andre," he said Sunday. "What I did was disgusting. It's something that should never happen. I mean, I'm not a dirty player. I don't play dirty. I have respect for the game. What I feel like is I disgraced the game, disgraced my team and disgraced my last name."

Those words are a good starting point, Albert. But your actions are going to remain in people's minds, especially Andre Gurode's, for a long time.

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Recap of my 5 NFL Picks

I know this is the post you have all been salivating over- how did I fare with my NFL game day picks? Truth be told you could actually just peruse the newspaper or Internet, find the scores, then scroll down on my site and see how I did without me having to write this. But what fun would that be?! This way I get to gloat that I went 4-1, and you all get to rip me because the 1 game I was wrong about was my beloved Pats! I know, I'm an idiot. But at least I'm bringing you all joy.

1.) MY PICK: Cincy 35-27 SCORE: Pats 38-13
I already reviewed my pick and the game in my previous post, so I won't rehash that here. Just scroll down a little after you read this and find out what I said about the brilliant piece of reasoning behind my pick. It's all psychology, folks. Learn how to use it.

2.)MY PICK: Bears 21, Seahawks 10 SCORE: Bears 37-6
Wow, I was really close on this one until the Bears decided to act like they were playing against the 1995 version of the 'Hawks on Madden '07. It was 20-6 at halftime, and I figured that the normally conservative Bears would run out the clock for the entire 2nd half; you know, like they used to do. Ah, but this is not your grandfather's Bears squad. This team, behind energetic young QB Rex Grossman, likes to keep moving the chains & scoring by throwing the ball as well as grinding it out on the ground. Grossman (17-31, 232yds, 2TDs, 0INTs) was efficient and made some great passes early on to set the tempo for the night. Mushin Muhammed (1TD) is a proven clutch, go-to receiver for Grossman, but Bernard Berrian (3 recs, 108 yds, TD) is becoming the exciting deep threat that QBs love to look to for the big play; ask David Carr about Berrian- he was one of Carr's favorite targets when they played at Fresno State. Bottom line, the Hawks played much worse than I expected, and the Bears played much better than I expected. Either way it's a win for me.

3.)MY PICK: Ravens 19, Chargers 17 SCORE: Ravens 16-13
Whew, another close one. The Chargers actually led for a good chunk of this game and it looked the the same old problem was going to doom the Ravens again- too much defense, not enough offense. Baltimore's D held the high-scoring Chargers in check all day, allowing only 284 yards & 13 points to a team averaging 389 yds & 33.5 pts per game. yet they still found themselves trailing 13-9 in the final minutes, eerily reminiscent of games played in that 2001 Championship campaign-remember that horrid 5 game stretch where they didn't score a TD? But that squad didn't have Air McNair, a cagey veteran who never believes the game is over until the final horn. McNair led the Ravens on 6-play, 60-yard drive in the closing minutes, culminating in an awesome TD catch & run by TE Todd Heap. Heap broke free of a tackle by DE Shawne Merriman and plowed into the end zone with less than a minute to play. On the drive McNair, who hadn't done much to that point, went 4-5 for 43 yards and ran once for 12 in getting the Ravens within striking distance for the win. But as BAL safety and former Titan teammate Samari Rolle said of McNair, "There was no doubt in my mind we would win this game when No. 9 went out there. He's been through everything you can be through as a quarterback. He's been MVP. He's been in the Super Bowl. He's just got it." And Baltimore's glad they got him.

4.)MY PICK: Cowboys 34, Titans 13 SCORE: Cowboys 45-14

Yup, I was pretty darn close on this one, too. The return of the Diva Receiver may have helped Cowboys QB Drew Bledsoe and the offense, but it was wily veteran WR Terry Glenn who made the difference. Both guys caught 5 balls each, Owens for 88 yards, Glenn for 54. The difference was Glenn also had 2 TDs, none for T.-O.D. The other story here was the debut NFL start of Titan QB Vince Young. How did the Longhorn greenhorn fare? Just about what you would expect from a raw rookie who isn't used to the speed of the league yet. VY was 14-29 for 155 yds, 1Td & 2 INTs. LIke I said, typical for a rookie. What was not typical for a rookie was how he came out blowing kisses and waving to the crowd before the game. In fact, it kinda reminded me of...the Diva Receiver. Was Owens giving Young pointers in how to play the crowd? Let's hope not, and here's a little friendly advice,VY: wait till you've actually won a game before you start acting like that, okay kid. It just comes off better that way, trust me.

5.)MY PICK: Panthers 21, Saints 12 SCORE: Panthers 21-18

As much as I love the Saints and the wonderful story they are supplying this season, you had to look realistically at what they were trying to accomplish: go on the road after an emotional home win 6 days prior and beat a solid team, a Super Bowl contender, that sports a rugged defense and quick strike offense. A tall task for the Saints, and although they did indeed march into Carolina, they marched right out with their first loss of the season. Not that they didn't give the Panthers all they could handle; New Orleans lead 10-7 early in the 4th, but 2 long drives orchestrated by Jake Delhomme with help from Steve Smith (10 recs, 87 yds, 1TD) and Deshaun Foster (16 runs, 105 yds, 1TD) put the Saints away. A late 86-yd TD from Drew Brees to terrific rookie receiver Marques Colston made it a close game, and afterwards the Saints had to feel good about their effort. Especially knowing they get the Bucs, and rookie QB Bruce Gradkowski, next week at the Dome. "The Saints, are coming..."

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Pats find cure for Bengal Fever in Cincy

MY PICK: Cincy 35-27 Score: Pats 38- 13
I knew my reverse psychology would work! It's foolproof: go against your team, especially if there is money involved, and they are GUARANTEED to win. Yep, all of you Pats fans can thank me for picking against them, therefore subliminally propelling them to this gi-normous victory over the previously undefeated Bengals; it's the same method that helped the Sox win the Series. The other deciding factor was that I could not watch the game. The combo of no Dish Network and my son's baseball practice conspired to keep me away from this one, another surefire recipe for favorite team success.

So how did New England do it? How did they overcome what I thought they wouldn't be able to- the lethal law firm of Palmer, Johnson & Whosyourmama- with a patchwork secondary? Simple, by not allowing Carson Palmer any time to find his favorite targets; Palmer was a mediocre 20-35 for 245 yds & no TDs , plus he was sacked 4 times and lost 2 fumbles, each converted into Patriot touchdowns that turned a close game into a romp. This was not one that will go into his game film library, to say the least.

On offense the Pats relied heavily on rookie RB Lawrence Maroney and the running game. Maroney, who is quickly becoming the steal of the draft (yet another from the NE front office) ripped off 125 yards and 2 scores on only 15 carries for an eye-popping 8.3 YPC. Former Bengal back/pariah Corey Dillon contributed 67 yards on 17 carries against his former team, and after scoring the dagger TD to start the 4th that made it 31-13, tossed the ball far into the stands he used to be both cheered and booed from(today it was just boos.) All told New England ran for 236 yards- even Brady chipped in with 21 on 2 carries for a real eye-popping 10.5 YPC.

Speaking of Tom Terrific, all he did was what he always does (except against Denver): run an efficient (15-26, 188yds) and effective (2 TDs, 1 harmless INT) offense, hand the ball to his capable running backs and let them do the heavy lifting. Brady was not the aggravated & discombobulated basket case we saw last week against the Broncos. Instead he was the calm, cool & collected Tommy Boy of the zillions of big wins he has led this team to in his short but storied career.

You gotta think that all the attention being paid to Palmer (raise your hand if you've heard "he's the best QB in football right now" from an analyst this year about Carson) and the upstart Bengals combined with their cockiness & trash-talking gave Brady, Rodney Harrison, Dillon and the rest of the Pats a little more incentive to go out and show the new kids on the block who has owned the block for most of this millennium.
Palmer even half-admitted that the Bengals may have been guilty of reading too much of their own press clippings (how can they not when they're in the police blotter every week?), but he made a foolhardy quote when he uttered these words:
"It's tough to say after a loss like this, but hopefully well be able to look back in a month or two and say we needed this," Palmer said. "I don't know if we were too cocky or too confident, but I know this is a team that we should've beat. Hopefully, well get another shot at them. I know if we play our best football, we can beat them."

Ah, hello, Earth to Planet Palmer: you just got spanked in your crib by a team that was without 3 of its top 4 secondary players, had a 35 year-old WR (Troy Brown) playing in nickel packages, and had only scored 50 points in its first 3 games combined. Not to mention allowing the Pats to rush for 110 yards above their average and you yourself committing 2 turnovers that led to scores. In other words, Carson baby, you had all your weapons (well ,except for WR Chris Jailbait Henry, serving a suspension for being involved in too many illegal activities), you were undefeated, playing at home against a team ripe for the picking after scoring only 7 points in a demoralizing loss last week, and your team was riding high after a big win against the Steelers in Pittsburgh.

The circumstances don't get more ideal than that buddy. Better be careful what you wish for when you haven't accomplished shit in this League yet, dude.

This was a great win both in actuality, to even their record at 2-2, and symbolically, to regain some lost respect, for the Pats. Down the road this game might be looked at as a turning point in this season. Because coming into this one New England appeared slow, confused and indecisive on the field. Today they looked like what they actually are: 3-time World Champs who know how to win big games. They just needed the cocky Bengals to remind them.

"So Chad, how did I do at that trash-talkin' stuff?"



"Bill, go back to being a nerdy genius and leave the trash talkin' to me, okay?"


"Good idea. By the way, what's the deal with that 'do?

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Sox season mercifully over

Hey I'll take a Hansack over a Clement any day

At least they went out on a high note. Rookie hurler Devern Hansack pitched no-hit ball for 5 innings and the Sox took the rain-delayed and rain-shortened season finale, 9-0 over Baltimore.

In just his second Major League start Hansack, a former Oriole prospect, threw 61 pitches, 42 for strikes, walked one and struck out 6. He was warming up to start the 6th when the umpires halted play again due to the inclement weather; the game was delayed at the start for 3 hours and 23 minutes. But you knew they were going to get it in- what, and miss a chance to make those final few bucks of the season?

So the postmortems will be coming in shortly on this horror show of a (half) season. Thanks to newly inducted Sox Killer Kevin Millah's game-winning double Saturday night, the final humiliation was applied this afternoon when the Blue Jays defeated the Stankees- ironically that victory assured the Jays of second place, dropping the Sox below 2nd place in the East for the first time since 1997; they finished 11 games behind New York. Ouch, babe.

Fire up the hot stove, Red Sox Nation- it's going to be a long winter.

Coming Tomorrow: Complete season wrap-up

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Rocket on 'Roids? Grimsley say yes.

The name Roger Clemens appears in an affidavit filed in the steroid investigation of former Diamondback pitcher Russ Grimsley.

Grimsley was busted in June when federal agents raided his home and discovered HGH, steroids and amphetamines. The disgraced hurler, who was suspended for 50 games by MLB and subsequently released by Arizona, has claimed that numerous players are on the juice, and reportedly named several that he knew of in a report filed with investigators.

Now sources have discovered that one of those names is that of the Rocket, a 7-time Cy Young Award winner and also his Astro teammate and good friend Andy Pettitte. Baltimore Orioles players Brian Roberts, Miggy Tejada and Jay Gibbons names appeared as well.

Speculation had been rampant recently that Clemens must be using something in order to maintain his velocity, stamina and quick recuperation from the grind of the MLB season despite being over 40 years old. Now we have an actual allegation by a player who obviously knows something about steroid abuse. What that will mean to the Rocket will have to be determined in the courts, both judicial and of public appeal. But even if he is cleared in a court of law and swears by his innocence, just the mere mention of his name in an official investigation puts the Rocket on a collision course with allegations that he will have to dodge for the rest of his career.

If he's smart he'll pull a Mark McGuire and disappear onto his Texas ranch for a long time. Like say 5 years, until his once guaranteed but now questionable enshrinement in the Hall of Fame

time comes.

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NFL Week 4 Preview

Heading into the last game of the first quarter of the season there are a few matchups that will go a long way to determining which teams really have playoff hopes and which teams can give it up. Here's a look at my Top 5 Games to Watch:

1.) (2-1) Patriots @ (3-0) Bengals 4PM
Talk about your Bizarro World: The Pats come into this game as the team on the ropes, with questions trailing them like beer cans off a wedding limo and disappointment creeping into the hearts of their fandom after last weeks' pasting by the Broncos. By contrast the Bengals are the darlings of the league, media-wise, and the team most every other team is afraid to play on the field; talk about your flip-flops. To put it simply, the Pats need this game bad, for many reasons. They have not proven they can get by without traded WR Deion Branch, something that Tom Terrific made abundantly clear to management before they gave him away to Seattle. They will also be without 2 of their top secondary players, CB Ellis Hobbs and S Eugene Wilson, causing painful deja vu of last season when the secondary was battered, broken and burnt all season long. To make matter worse, Trash-talkin' Chad Johnson has engaged in his playful war of words with his opponent, and amazingly enough General Belichick joined in. For fun. In the words of Vince Lombardi: "what the hell is going on over there?"
Anyway, although I love my Pats, I have to be a realist, and realistically I see Carson Palmer, Chad and TJ Whosyourmama torching the Pats secondary all day long at beautiful Paul Brown Stadium on the banks of the Ohio River; the Pats should score frequently,too (hopefully), but they don't have the firepower to hang with Cincy.
MY PICK: Bengals 35, Pats 27

2.) (3-0) Seahawks @ (3-0) Bears 8PM, NBC
This should be an exciting battle of undefeated titans in prime time on NBC SNF. The game is very difficult for Seattle because they historically have not fared well on the road (11-13 past 3 years), they won't have MVP RB Shaun Alexander (broken foot) and they will be trying to get Deion Branch more integrated into their passing attack. Trouble is the Bears won't let them do that, as the new Monsters of the Midway have only allowed 23 pts in 3 games this season. Throw in the fact that Bears QB Rex Grossman has been efficient (65% pass completions, 6 TDs, 3 INTs) if not spectacular and this has the makings of a long night in the Windy City for the 'Hawks. Nice game to cap off the day.
MY PICK: Bears 21-10

3.) (2-0) Chargers @ (3-0) Ravens, 1PM
They're baaaaaacckkkk! The ferocious Raven defense that carried Baltimore to a Super Bowl win in 2001 is back and as nasty as ever, thanks to a rejuvenated Ray Lewis and faith in their offense, now led by former MVP Steve McNair. After the QB carousel the past 5 seasons, Air McNair has brought confidence, stability and calmness to the entire team, allowing RayRay to do what he does best- almost kill people (oops, I mean on the field.) The Raven-ous D has allowed only 20 points in 3 games, but that was against the offensively challenged trio of Tampa Bay, Oakland and Cleveland. This Charger team is much more proficient at scoring than those patsies, as Phillip Rivers, LaDanian Tomlinson & Co. have scored 67 points in 2 games (okay, vs. Oakland & Tennessee.) Plus San Diego, behind DE Shawnee Merriman (3 sacks, 1 INT) can play some defense, too- he's a freakin' beast. Today I guess we'll find out which team has been padding its stats against creampuff opponents and which team is actually really good; in this league usually the defense wins those battles.
MY PICK: Ravens 19, Chargers 17

4.) (3-0) Saints @ (1-2) Panthers, 1PM
The new America's Team travels to tobacco country to take on a wounded Panther squad which has almost seen their pre-season Super Bowl hopes go up in flames with their poor start. The normally awesome Panther D has allowed 60 points in 3 games and has been burned by Atlanta and allowed 24 points to the Bucs. To their credit they did put Chris Simms out of action with a spleen-jarring hit by DE Al Wallace, so I guess Saints QB Drew Brees better shield his major organs from attack. But the Saints are going to have a tough time gearing up for this tough road test after all the pomp, pageantry and partying surrounding their rousing return to Louisiana on Monday night. Look for the Panther D to get back to their old selves real quick and put the Panthers right back in Bowl talk.
MY PICK: Panthers 20, Saints 12

5.) (1-1) Cowboys @ (0-3) Titans, 1PM
Why is this game between two mediocre (at best) squads so interesting? Well for the drama, of course. But not just the drama created by human Paxil ad, T.-O.D.- the diva receiver will make his return to the field after 2 tumultuous weeks where he broke his finger, tried to commit suicide, errr accidentally took too many pills, gave a ridiculous news conference where his publicist made a complete ass of herself & her client, and fired his longtime trainer- in other words just an average fortnight in the life of T.-O.D. But the real story is Tennessee has decided to put untested but highly- touted rookie QB Vince Young on the field after 3 losses behind the artist formerly known as Kerry Collins ( 1TD, 6 INTs.) The MVP of the Rose Bowl for the National Champion Longhorns team will now get his chance to prove why he was the first QB selected in the 2006 draft over technically superior slingers Jay Cutler and Matt Leinart. So we get T.O. vs. V.Y. in a battle royale for the media spotlight. In the words of Mills Lane: "let's get it on."
MY PICK: Cowboys 34, Titans 13

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