Tuesday, September 26, 2006

NFL Week 3 Review

Three weeks into the NFL season some interesting things have taken place. Let's look at the top stories coming out of the weekend.

*Simms loses spleen after Bucs lose game

All those Chris Simms bashers will have plenty of time to jump back on his bandwagon as the Buc QB had his spleen removed after their heartbreaking 26-24 loss to Carolina. Now rookie Bruce Rocket Gradkowski takes the reigns of Chucky's Mensa-esque offense and he'll have plenty of opportunity to prove his worth: Simms is expected to miss the rest of the season while recovering. Time for Buc fans to focus on who's gonna be the No.1 pick in the 2007 draft.

*Madden curse lives on: Alexander breaks foot
For the 6th consecutive year the cover boy for the mythic-like John Madden video game has been felled by an injury. The latest victim is Seahawks RB & reigning NFL MVP Shaun Alexander, who broke a bone in his foot during Seattle's 42-30 shellacking of the Giants and is expected to miss 4-6 weeks. He joins Donovan McNabb, Ray Lewis, Mike Vick, Marshall Faulk and Daunte Culpepper as athletes who have been snake bit by the cover jinx. Let me be the first to nominate T.O. for lifetime appointment, John.

*Saints prove they're no fluke
In a game that was nearly an afterthought to the symbolism it represented the Saints never forgot about what they were there to do- win a football game. And they did just that with an inspired 23-3 destruction of a Falcon squad that had amassed 558 yds rushing in their 2-0 start. New Orleans held Vick, Dunn & Co. to just 117 on the ground and a mere 3 points, stifling one of the league's most potent offenses and proving that the Saints aren't just a symbol, they're a force to be reckoned with as well.

*Bengals, Palmer get revenge on Steelers, 28-20
Although he never admitted as much, Cincy QB Carson Palmer had to want this win badly as payback for the Steelers knocking him out of the game and the Bengals out of the playoffs last January. And thanks to two costly Pittsburgh turnovers in the 4th quarter, both converted into immediate TDs by Palmer to TJ Whosyourmama, the man got his wish. A-Ben-dicitis was worse than his usual mediocre self (18-39, 208, 3 INTs), and the Championship hangover has hit the struggling Steelers, big time. All together now- "awwwwwwww!"

*Suspended Bengal arrested for DUI
Off-field issues have been plaguing the Bengals all season, but this may be an all-time low: LB Odell Thurman was arrested late Sunday night after the Bengal's win over the Steelers when he was pulled over for OVI in downtown Cincy. The catch is he was already on suspension for 4 games for drug offenses and was not even active for the game. But his passenger, WR Chris Henry- himself a 4-time arrestee in the past year- was, and caught 2 TD passes in the win; it was reported that he barfed out the car window as officers questioned Thurman. Supposed disciplinarian coach Marvin Lewis better get a hold of his talented-but-troubled team before these off-field troubles turn into on-field failures.

*Shockey tastes his foot yet again
In a development that surprised exactly no one, boozing, bimbo-loving blowhard Giants TE Jeremy Shockey criticized his embattled coach, Tom Coughlin, after New York's humiliating 42-30 loss to Seattle. "We got outplayed, and out coached. Write that down," Shockey said. Asked what he meant by out coached, Shockey said, "You saw the game." Yeah Jeremy, I also saw you catch 4 passes for 58 yards, bringing your season total to 11 recs for 132 yds & 1 TD in 3 games. Must be the coach's fault, right? When are they going to start making muzzles mandatory gear at 'Da U?'

* Brett Favre passes 400 TD mark
With his 75-yd 1st quarter touchdown pass to Greg Jennings Green Bay QB Brett Favre became only the second quarterback in NFL history to total 400 TD passes; he trails only all-time leader Dan Marino, who has 420. For good measure, and to get a jump on the record, Favre threw 2 more in the Pack's 31-24 win over hapless Detroit. Favre had a Favre-like day, circa 1999: 25-36, 340 yds, 3TDs, no INTs. Maybe he's not done after all. And I'll tell you what, by the end of the season he should be pretty damn close to that record, and you can bet your Limburger Cheesehead that the Packer brass won't let him set that mark in another uniform; he's not Barry Bonds.

*Mark Brunell sets passing record
After a week in which everyone in the DC area but George W. took a turn ridiculing QB Mark Brunell, the ancient warrior went out and silenced everyone with one of the most impressive performances in league history. Brunell completed his first 22 passes of the game in the Redskins 31-15 destruction of the Texans. The mark is a record for a single game; Donovan McNabb holds the overall record of 24 straight, accomplished over 2 games in 2004. Brunell finished an impressive 24-27 for 261 yds & 1 TD. Now get off his back! (it hurts)

*Me-shawn burns old Buc mates
Of all the things that happened this weekend this hurt the most: seeing the self-promoting, under-performing, ultra-egotistical Meyshwan Johnson torch his former team to the tune of 8 plays, 101 yds & 2TDs. His score :59 into the game after a Chris Simms INT set the tempo, then he added another on a 4-yd end-around to start the 2nd Q; it was only the 3rd rushing TD of his career, 1st since 1998. The plays supplied the clubhouse cancer with plenty of ammo for his me-first cannon- hint to Bucs for the Nov. 13th rematch: wear earplugs!

*Patriots a shell of former selves
The memories of 3 Super Bowls in 4 years will never be forgotten (or duplicated) but it looks like memories are all Pats fans will have as the team has reverted back to pre-Dynasty mode. Tom Brady and the "offense" looked helpless and harmless in the 17-7 loss to Denver. Without his 2 top targets from last year, Deion Branch & David Givens, Brady has a collection of has-beens (Troy Brown), never-were's (Doug Gabriel, Reche Caldwell) and may-be's (Chad Jackson) to choose from at wide receiver. But equally as troubling is the fact that the vaunted defense has not played up to snuff: the unit has given up 998 total yards in 3 games to teams that aren't exactly offensive powers (BUF, NYJ, DEN.) Oh, did I mention they can't run the ball either(50 yds vs. Denver)? Up next: Cincy (gulp!)

* New Orleans, 3-0
How can you go against America's team (sorry, Dallas) after that awesome, inspiring homecoming victory Monday?

* Cincy, 3-0
After beating their arch-rival they get a home date with the Pats; come out of that 4-0 and watch out

*Indy, 3-0
Peyton scored his 1st rushing TD since 2002 as the Colts beat the stingy Jags 21-14. Don't quit you're regular gig as Tourette-like signal caller please.

*Atlanta, 2-1
Caught up in the buzzsaw that was the return of football to New Orleans; that rushing attack won't be down for long

*Seattle, 3-0
After CHI this week, a cake schedule and the acquisition of Deion Branch should offset the loss of Alexander- for a little while

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