Monday, August 28, 2006


" agent by nature is a lying, money-hungry c***sucker; that's the breed, and Ari's Best in Breed" Drama, to the boys, regarding Ari's status as Vince's agent

Appropriately said, considering Jeremy Piven took home an Emmy tonight for his portrayalof the dog, though Ari is most certainly no shoo-in to remain Vince's agent as the season finale gets underway. In fact, the show opens with Vinnie wandering into E's bedroom and waking him with this comment: "I can't sleep- I think we should fire Ari".
Okay, bombshell dropped early, but not unexpectedly if you watched the previews last week.
So where does it go from there? The whole episode becomes a 'will he or won't he?' game of cat-&-mouse, as Vince tries to get a hold of Ari to break the news but Ari is dodging and weaving around town in an attempt to salvage the union. That evasiveness leads Drama to suggest that Vince try other agents, which sets the wheels in motion for the stunning (if foreseen) conclusion. Or, as Vince so eloquently put it: "F**k it, Ari's a dick- let's flirt."

As the boys go off to scout agents, Ari gets a meeting with Allen and his hottie VP/Ari's ex-one nighter Dana Gordon at Warners in an attempt to convince him to let Vince play Joey Ramone. Allen gives Ari 2 minutes to plead his case, but it was all for show, just so Allen could stick it in his face; he gleefully (for Allen) tells Ari that he wishes he would have cast Jake Gyllenhaal in Aquaman" because "the gates would've been higher"- OUCH. When Dana defends Vince's role, Allen tells her that her commentary is unwanted and promptly ends the meeting. As a defeated Ari exits, he gets off one last blast to the bitter studio head: "Hmm, hard to believe you've been divorced 3 times Allen."
Next shot we see Dana running out to the parking lot to admit the truth to Ari- Allen has no plans on making the film, he's just buying the script to shelve it forever to spite Vince. But if he can talk to Bob before the deal is finalized, maybe he can foil Allen's plan.

Meanwhile the boys are being wooed by posh agencies all over town,including Ari's nemesis Josh Weinstein. But even using Drama's grading criteria they find that the agencies are all alike- shiny and modern with conference rooms filled with suits promising to turn Vincent Chase into a brand name such as Mercedes, Coca-Cola or Apple. The looks on Vince and E's faces say it all: disgust. These clowns want to treat Vince as a commodity, not an integrity-filled actor who values honesty & friendship more than money and fame.

Ari has now high-tailed it to Bob's mansion to beg him not to sell the script to Allen. He even offers his 750i, claiming he will "make the payments until they expire, unless Bob expires first". But we know Bob doesn't want that "Nazi sled", nor does he appear to want to please Ari. So Ari pulls his trump card, admitting that Allen has no intentions of making the movie. When Bob doesn't believe him, Ari reveals his source:
"Dana Gordon, VP of production; I used to f**k her back in the day, so she owes me". Uh-oh. Bad move.
Thinking he has convinced Bob, Ari dances into his office on the air of confidence, singing to Lloyd and professing his love for Dana when he learns she is on the phone. But as she is cleaning out her office and calling Ari a "slimy piece of shit" for screwing her over in this thing, Ari realizes the old coot called Allen out on Ari's revelation, which got Dana immediately canned.
"Ari, you have one day to find me another job or the next time I see you at The Palm I am going to squeeze your f***ing dick with a claw cracker " It's going to be fun seeing her work at Miller/Gold next season!

Now it's on: when Bob confesses his signing of the deal to Ari, he instructs Lloyd to phone Vince and get it over with. The boys ponder life without Ari, but Drama provides words of wisdom: "don't do it; it's a mistake...we know where we stand with him; he's been with us from the beginning".
Lloyd gives Ari one of his " 'Queer as Folk' pep talks", which Ari takes as an inspiration to fight for Vince like it's WW III. They arrange a sit down at the office, and all Vince really wants Ari to do is say he's sorry, like a real friend would, for all he's done to screw Vince's dream project. But when they arrive at MGA, they are greeted by an all-too familiar vibe: squeaky clean office, Lloyd calling Vince 'Mr. Chase', and a conference room full of suits ready to blow smoke far up Vinnie's nether regions: oh no, not Ari too. The reconciliation went up in smoke when Babs told Vince he would become "a brand name like Microsoft or Mc-Donalds". As Vince and E walk away, disgusted, Ari comes groveling out to ask what went wrong. When Vince tells him all he wanted was Ari to "act like a friend, look me in the face, and apologize", Ari says "is that all, then I'm sorry Vin".
"It's too late"
E- "Ari, you're fired"
Cue the best of what has been a season-long selection of outro music: Ted Nugent's 'Stranglehold'.

So that's it for season 3; a terrific ending for what was a strong junior year. Plenty of places to go next year, starting with Vince's looking for an agent/work, Ari scrambling to retain Vince, Turtle & Drama's sputtering careers, and possibly a little more with E & Sloan (please!). I predict the talented writers will drag out the split for at least 5 episodes, milking Ari's pain for all it's worth. I think E will find Vince another great script, perhaps from Bob, forcing Ari to go all out to get his boy back; he might even have Dana as his hench-woman. Hopefully we see more of Sloan, Babs, Dana, Bob, Allen, Eddie Burns, and Mrs. Ari, and less of Ari's daughter. Enjoyed the season, can't wait till next March!

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